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TADDEUS
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PostSubject: Switch !   Tue Dec 02, 2008 6:09 pm

Doh I almost forgot to post this on here... anyway, now Im doing it Smile its the glorious return of Schnibbel Wink

Serj, Daron and John are meeting at Serjís place. It has been a few months since they had last met at all since everyone has been busy touring or recording. Now Daron and John have finished their European tour and returned to the USA. Serj has just come home a couple of weeks ago as well, and the guys decided to meet for a beer and talk about their latest experiences.
Serj opens the door.
Serj: Hey guys, nice to see you again. Come in.
John: Hey Serj, whatís up?
Daron: Hey man Ė wow, youíre really skinny, dude!
Serj: Yeah, well, Iíve been touring for almost a year, you know that you always lose weight on the road...
John: Normal people do, yeah. Daron always gets chubby, hehe.
Daron: Shut up, man. Iím not chubby. Itís just the beard. o
Serj: I canít believe youíre still keeping this thing, by the way... man, that must itch terribly.
Daron: Nah it does not. And by the way, several fans told me that they like my beard and that I look good with it. Haha!
Serj and John look at eachother and roll their eyes. They sit down in the living room.
Daron: Whereís Shavo?
Serj: He wonít come today, you know, he is really busy recording the Achozen-album...
John: The album that never comes out, hehe.
Daron: Yeah, man, he is the only one who hasnít really got anything done since we went on hiatus. Wonder what heís doing all day.
John: I can tell you. (pretends to smoke)
Daron: Thatís what I do, too, but I still write songs and record them, man.
Serj: So how has your tour been, huh? Itís different to be in Europe with your own stuff and not with System, at least thatís what I felt...
John: Yeah, it was different, but the fans were really cool, they love us even when we are not the band they used to know.
Daron: Ah, well, it was okay... I donít really like Europe, you know that. Iím glad to be here again. Many things about the USA may suck, man, but itís still my home.
Serj: I really liked my tour, it was awesome, I met so many nice people and really had a good time. But it was good to come home again, I agree with that. Itís not easy to be so far away from your girl all the time...
John: (sighs) I know what you mean. Only jerking off on the tour bus is just not the same, hehe.
Daron: Youíve been jerking off on the bus? Ew, man!
John: Aw, come on, you did it, too!
Daron: No, I did not.
John: Of course you did, everybody does it.
Serj: Come on, guys. Who cares about Ďwho was jerking off and who was notí anyway, I mean, now that we are home, we have our girls for such things...
John: Hehe, yeah. Since I came back, weíve been doing it at least twice a day. Man, I swear I could make love for a whole week.
Serj: Yeah, same here. When I came home, Angela and I spent three days in bed. It was amazing.
Daron: Eh... so your girls are still as hungry as they used to be?
John: Even more, Iíd say, hehe.
Serj: Yeah, Iíd definitely say itís getting more, especially after Iíve been away for some time... why do you ask, Daron?
Daron: Uhm... well... I donít know, man, but I feel like... Jess doesnít wanna fuck me as much as she used to. You know me, guys, when I came home, there was nothing I wanted more than fucking her like crazy, but I could only do her once before she said she was too tired...
John: Shit happens, man.
Daron: Yeah, but she keeps saying stuff like ĎIím tiredí or ĎIíve got a headacheí whenever I want her. This sucks, man!
Serj: Well, you said she was very busy modelling these days, so maybe she is really tired and exhausted... women are no robots who wanna make love all the time, you know.
John: Or itís the beard, hehe. You should consider shaving it, maybe she would change her mind then...
Daron: Shut the fuck up, man! Itís not the beard, okay? I think itís...
Serj and John: What?
Daron: (sighs) Itís my dick, man. She would never say it but I think itís too small for her.
Schnibbel: (out of Daronís pants) Oh yeah, great, now itís my fault again?! Sucker!
John: (rolls eyes) Itís alive.
Schnibbel: Of course I am. Come on, man, let me out.
Daron: (unzips his pants) Okay, okay... listen, man, Iím not saying itís your fault, okay, you didnít choose to be small, but...
Schnibbel: Small? Small my fucking ass! YOU are small. In mind.
Daron: Aw come on, you donít wanna tell my you were big, do you?
Schnibbel: No. But if your chick doesnít wanna let you fuck her, itís because you donít know how to use me.
Daron: Hah! Of course I do. Iím a good lover.
Schnibbel: Bwahaha, man, if I had an ass, Iíd laugh it off right now. Youíre like a rabbit, dude, you fuck fast and youíre done fast.
Daron: No, Iím not, motherfucker!
Serj: Iím sorry to interrupt your Ė discussion, but seriously, Daron, Iím pretty sure that all this has nothing to do with your cock. Youíve been with Jessica for quite some time now, she loves you for way more than just for fucking.
Daron: Yeah, thatís easy to say when youíve got a big member down there.
John: Come on, man, Serj is right. Life is not all about dick size.
Schnibbel: Youíve heard him, dude.
Daron: Shut up!
Schnibbel: YOU shut up! Go home and shave this carpet off, damnit, no chick wants to fuck a guy whose face consists of nothing but hair and eyes. You look like the Yetiís smaller brother, man.
Serj: Guys, please. I thought we had solved your problems a few months ago, remember? You promised to be good to each other. For the benefit of your next life. What happened to all this?
Daron: It was okay during the last months, man, we got along quite well. But now Iím really beginning to be afraid that... I mean... what if Jess leaves me for someone... someone like John, you know, a guy with a big cock who can almost fuck her to pieces?!
John: Fuck her to pieces? You think thatís what girls want?
Schnibbel: Iíve told you, he knows nothing about women, man, nothing! He still shoves me inside his chickís ass instead of her pussy, I mean, itís no surprise she doesnít want him anymore.
Daron: Jess likes it in the ass, damnit! What do you know, by the way, huh? You are a small wiener that lives in my pants, thatís all.
Serj: (shakes his head) Guys, GUYS! I canít believe youíre coming up with all this again. Just think about it, Daron, why should Jess suddenly have a problem with your dick size after all those years, that doesnít make any sense. Why donít you just ask her if anythingís wrong with her?
Daron: Oh, yeah, and what am I supposed to say? ĎHey, babe, sorry for bothering you, but do you think my cock is too smallí, or what?
Schnibbel: What about Ďhey, babe, do you like being with a human fur ballí?
Daron: I didnít ask you, asshole.
Serj: Try to grow up, Daron. In a relationship, you should be able to talk about everything, both good things and bad things. And your manhood is not the most important thing, when will you realize that?
Schnibbel: This guy always sounds like he was your therapist, hehehe.
John: Iím the one who needs therapy, after all this time on tour with both of you...
Schnibbel: I canít understand why you chose to be in a band with HIM again anyway.
John: Sometimes I wonder about that myself.
Daron: (shows him his big finger) Fuck you, man.
Serj: Calm down everyone, okay? Iím getting tired of this shit. We havenít met for such a long time, and now youíre arguing with your fucking dick again. When will all this finally stop, huh?
Schnibbel: He started!
Daron: Yeah, but you had to talk back right again, as usual, you damn little bastard.
Serj: (sighs) Shut up, both of you! Daron, I think for now itís better if you take your Schnibbel and go home...
Daron: (to Schnibbel while he puts it back in his pants and gets up) See, heís kicking us out, just because of you. We always get in trouble because of you. First my girlfriend doesnít want me anymore, and now my friends... man, Iíd give ANYTHING to get another dick, I swear to fucking God!

Later that night...
Serj sits on the floor naked, surrounded by dozens of candles, his eyes closed. He whispers words in a weird-sounding foreign language.
Pogo Stick: Serj... Iím sorry to interrupt you but do you really think that this ia a good idea?
Serj: Yes. I thought about it carefully. I need to teach Daron a lesson. If I wonít do it, nobody will.
Pogo Stick: But you wonít only affect him... what about John, he hasnít done anything...
Serj: (sighs) He is a grown-up man, Iím sure he can handle the situation. And it wonít last forever, only for a few days. Or weeks. Believe me, I wouldnít do it if it wasnít absolutely necessary.
Pogo Stick: Alright. I just hope you know what youíre doing.
Serj: (nods his head and keeps whispering his strange prayer)

The next morning. Daronís place.
Daron: (yawns) Aah... nightís already over again... man, I had such a hot dream, hehe, I really need to jerk off... (reaches out between his legs) WHOA! What the fuck is wrong with... (looks under the blanket) WOW!
Hulk: What? YOU?

At the same time at Johnís place.
John: (yawns) Aaah... what a night... I gotta take a shower. (gets up and into the bathroom where he takes a look into the mirror) God, I look like...
Schnibbel: Good morning, hehe.
John: What? YOU? NOOOOOO !!
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PostSubject: Switch ! part 2   Tue Dec 02, 2008 6:11 pm

part 2 snapy

(..)

Daron: (rubs his eyes) What the... this is... Hulk, is that you?
Hulk: Yes, itís me. I wish it wasnít, though.
Daron: (sits up and looks down) Hey dude, what are you doing down threre?
Hulk: I have no fucking idea, believe me. I was just here all of a sudden.
Daron: (scratches his head, still looking down) Okay, okay, let me think... maybe Iím still asleep and this is just one of those dreams... a pretty realistic one, but...
Hulk: This would be the worst nightmare I ever had. But unfortunately, I donít think either of us is dreaming. You know, since both of us happen to experience exactly the same, it would have to be some kind of collective hallucination, a malfunction in both our brains, maybe caused by certain medication, controlled from outside, and...
Daron: What the fuck are you talking about? Speak English, dude, okay?
Hulk: (sighs) I mean, itís not very likely to happen that two individuals share the same dream at the same time. And that again means we are either both insane Ė or this is real.
Daron: Well, actually Iím not quite sure if Iím insane or not right now, I mean, I fucking woke up with a giant dick instead of the little wiener Iím used to. And by the way, I didnít even know that cocks can dream at all...
Hulk: YOU are indeed insane, in more than one way. And why shouldnít cocks dream as well, huh? Iím sure some of us have more brains and personality than you do.
Daron: Hey, stop bitching at me, man, I didnít do anything!
Hulk: Well, Iím attached to you for whatever reason, thatís bad enough.
Daron: But thatís not my fault!
Hulk: Are you sure? You wished for a bigger dick all your life, man, and now it came true... thatís a strange coincidence, isnít it?
Daron: Yeah, sure, I suddenly found out how to use witchcraft. Come on, man, look at me Ė if I had any powers, be sure Iíd get myself an everlasting amount of weed and a few other things first before I might even think about stealing Johnís cock. (pauses) Wait... did I just say that? I stole Johnís cock? (giggles)
Hulk: I donít give a shit what happened and how you did it, I just want you to change it back, for Godís sake! Now!
Daron: Are you fucking deaf or what, I did not do it! Read my lips: I DID NOT DO IT.
Hulk: But we gotta do something. I mean, YOU gotta do something. It canít remain the way it is now. It just canít.
Daron: Hmm... why not, hehe, the more I think about it, the more I like the idea... I didnít expect anything like this to happen but now it HAS happened... why not take the chance, hehe...
Hulk: Dude, you must be kidding! I belong to John, not to you. You wouldnít even know how to use me...
Daron: What? WHAT? I wouldnít know how to use you? HAH! Believe me, motherfucker, I know more than you think I do.
Hulk: Daron, you donít know what you are saying.
Daron: I fucking do know what Iím fucking saying, believe me. You know what? Iím gonna keep you. Iím gonna keep you, and Ė (the telephone rings) ah shit, who the fuck... (picks up phone) yeah?
John: (excited) Daron? Daron, this is John... Daron, I know this is gonna sound totally crazy now, but... do you have my dick?
Daron: Yeah, I do.. but wait, does that mean youíve got Schnibbel? Bwhahahahaha!
John: This is NOT funny, you get me? What the fuck have you done, you little son of a ...
Daron: Calm down, motherfucker! Why does everyone think that Iím responsible for this, huh?
John: Let me think... maybe because youíve been complaining about your cock as long as I fucking know you? Maybe because you would do anything to get a bigger one? Maybe because youíve always been jealous of me, maybe...
Daron: But I did not do anything, okay, this is not my fault! I was as surprised as you are...
John: Surprised? Iím not surprised, Iím fucking shocked!
Hulk: (in the background) So am I, believe me...
John: Was that Hulk? Is he alright?
Daron: (rolls eyes) Pff, why should he not be alright?
John: Because heís with you.
Daron: So what? I know how to treat a cock, asshole, Iíve been a guy for thirty-three years.
Schnibbel: (in the background) But you still donít know where to shove your member when youíre with your chick. Sad, sad.
John: Shut up down there!
Daron: Hahaha, now you can see for yourself what a sucker he is!
John: I donít give a fuck about all that. Gimme my dick back, Daron!
Daron: What? Youíre as deaf as your fucking cock, or what? I donít have nothing to do with this, okay, I can not do anything!
John: (sighs) Okay, okay... Iíll come over as soon as I can, we seriously need to talk. You stay home and wait for me, you get me? Daron?
Daron: Yeah, fuck you. (hangs up) Man, itís not even ten in the morning and everyoneís already throwing shit at me. I fucking hate that.
Jessica: (walks up the stairs) Darry, are you okay? Who was that on the phone?
Daron: Uhm... yeah, Iím fine... that was John, he wants to come over.
Jessica: That early? Has anything happened?
Daron: Nah, he just... I donít know, I guess itís about our tour... (grabs his pants and jumps inside) ah shit, damnit, Hulk, I canít close my zipper...
Hulk: Ouch, stop squeezing me!
Daron: Shut up, I have to... ow... I need to get some baggy pants in the future.
Hulk: The future? There is no future for you and me.
Jessica: (comes in) Are you talking to yourself again, Darry?
Daron: (blushes) Err... yeah. Hehe.
Jessica: Are you sure youíre okay? Does you back hurt? You look so crooked...
Daron: My back? Oh Ė well, yeah...a bit... I guess I twisted myself in my sleep, I had a very weird dream...
Jessica: Aww poor baby... come on, let me give you a massage... (steps behind Daron and starts rubbing his back and shoulders) Aw youíre totally tensed... you should try to relax some more...
Daron: Mmmh... yeah... thatís so good, baby.... (gazes down his body and whispers) oh shit... if this thing keeps growing, my pants are gonna burst...
Jessica: What?
Daron: N-nothing... nothing... (moves away from her) Thanks, Jess, but I... I... gotta piss. Now. (runs into the bathroom and undoes his pants) Aahhh! Thatís better. Why the fuck did you grow, huh? That almost hurt!
Hulk: Iím a cock, remember? And by the way, itís not my fault that you seem to be desperate enough to get aroused when your girl is only rubbing your back.
Daron: Desperate, pff, my ass. Sheís just very good at it. (sighs) Damnit I so wanna fuck her now!
Hulk: No! No fucking way!
Daron: Hah! Why not? Iím the human, Iím the one to decide.
Hulk: And how are you gonna explain why your cock has grown that much over night? Donít you think she will ask you some uncomfortable questions then? Questions youíre not able to answer?
Daron: (thinks) Hm... thatís true... oh yeah, sure, now thatís great Ė finally I got a huge dick and canít seem to use it. (thinks again) Yet.
Hulk: You scare me when you say Ďyetí in this context...
Jessica: (knocks on the door) Darry, who are you talking to? And please, donít say itís yourself again.
Daron: No... itís my cock.
Hulk: (murmurs) Iím Johnís cock, not yours.
Daron: Shut the fuck up.
Jessica: What?
Daron: Nothing... Iíll be right back, hon, donít worry, okay?
Jessica: Okay... Iíll go down and make coffee, seems like you could need some...
Daron: Alright, hon, Iíll be there in a minute. (to Hulk) Damnit, now stop being hard, I gotta put my pants back on.
Hulk: John always lets me be hard as much as I like it.
Daron: But Iím not fucking John, okay? For now, you gotta do what I say, you get me? So stop being hard, for fucking Godís sake, or Iíll jerk you off.
Hulk: (sighs and shrinks) Better?
Daron: Thank you. (flushes the toilet and leaves the bathroom)

Daron: (enters the kitchen) Hm coffee.... thanks Jess, thatís right what I need now...
Jessica: To be honest, Darry, I believe you could need something else as well...
Daron: (giggles) Hehe, true, but I think if I really get started now, we wonít be finished before John arrives.
Jessica: (rolls eyes) That was not what I was talking about. Seriously, Daron, I worry about you, you seem so confused and always talk to yourself, and I somehow feel thereís something wrong with you ... maybe you should consider going back to therapy.
Daron: Pff! Fuck that stupid therapy! I went there for, like, a year? Or even longer? And did it help me in any way? No. This stupid therapist-guy didnít understand me at all, he only annoyed me every single time I had to fucking talk to him, and...
Jessica: But maybe if you go to another therapist, it might get better.
Daron: Better, my ass. Iím fine. Thereís no reason to go to any fucking therapy, Jess, believe me.
Jessica: (rolls eyes again) So you think itís not weird that you told me you were talking to your cock?
Daron: (blushes) Uhmm... no, I donít think itís weird. Everyone does that.
Jessica: Everyone? Well, I donít...
Daron: Really? Youíve never talked to your boobies or your pussy?
Jessica: O.o No! Normal people donít do such things.
Daron: Pff, I know that Serj, John and Shavo are talking to their dicks as well...
Jessica: Yeah. There you have it. I said NORMAL people. You and your bandmates...
Daron: Former bandmates!
Jessica... your former bandmates are far from normal, Daron. And you know that.
Daron: So Iím talking to my cock, okay, so fucking what? Is that a fuckiní crime?
Jessica: No, but Ė
(The doorbell interrupts her)
Daron: Ah, that must be John, Iíll go. (heads to the door and opens) Hey John, whatís up?
John: (punches his shoulder) Whatís up? Whatís up? Are you fucking kidding me?
Daron: Oww, heey, cut it out, man! No need to fuckiní hit me! Motherfucker!
John: Whoís the motherfucker here, eh?
Jessica: Are you guys having trouble? Oh, and hello, John.
John: Hey Jessica.
Daron: Nah, weíre fine, we just gotta talk about... certain issues... band stuff and shit, you know... weíre gonna go upstairs, we donít wanna bore you with our tour schedule and... come on, John.
Jessica: But you know you donít bore me...
Daron: (kisses her cheek) We would, believe me. Iíll see ya later, babe, okay? Come on, John, letís go. (they go upstairs into the room Daron calls his office; Daron locks the door behind them) Okay, now weíre on our own...
John: Good! And now show me that Hulk is alright.
Daron: (rolls eyes) I already told you... ah, whatever. (drops his pants) See, heís fine.
Hulk: John! Iím so glad to see you!
John: Me, too. Oh my God, I was afraid he might damage you!
Hulk: He almost did. He forced me into those tight pants and squeezed me and...
Schnibbel: (out of Johnís pants) Hey out there, donít you wanna let me take part in your conversation?
Daron and John: No.
Schnibbel: Very funny. Motherfuckers. Come on, let me out.
John: (undoes his pants) Okay, okay...
Daron: Bwwhahahaha, oh my fucking God, that looks so stupid, you with this small dick, it doesnít fit to your body at all!
John: (angry) Yeah, maybe that is because IT IS YOUR COCK AND NOT MINE !
Daron: Shh, stop yelling, dude! I donít want Jess to hear us. She already asked me a shitload of questions.
John: Oh, Iíve got a shitload of questions for you, too. For example, what the fuck is going on here? What have you done? Why did I fucking wake up with... with this (points at Schnibbel)? This just doesnít work, okay, he is so small, he almost gets lost in my hands when Iím taking a piss.
Schnibbel: Oh, Iím sorry, Mr. Oversized. And, I thought you were treating cocks well.
John: I treat my own cock well, yeah, but that doesnít count for small wangs that are bitching around all the time.
Schnibbel: Pff, screw you.
John: Daron Ė seriously, I fucking want my dick back, or Iíll freak out and cut this thing off, I swear!
Daron: Damnit, how often do I have to repeat it, I have nothing to do with this, okay, I did not do anything! Why donít you believe me? Man, I wouldnít even know how to do something like that.
Schnibbel: Yeah, true, youíre way too stupid.
Daron: Shut the fuck up.
John: So you swear on your motherís life that you did not do it? You didnít use any... spell or anything?
Daron: (rolls eyes) If you insist, I swear on my Momís life, man. Who do you think I am, a fucking magician or what?
John: (sighs) Okay. But if it wasnít you... I mean, two guys just donít change dicks all of a sudden, right? Something must have happened.
Daron: Yeah, I guess so, but I donít have a clue. And by the way... I donít think itís that bad. Maybe itís just some kind of justice that made this happen.
John: WHAT?
Daron: Oh come on, youíve had this giant member for the last thirty-five years while I had to deal with... you know what, so itís just fair that we changed now.
John: Are you fucking crazy? First of all, I wasnít born with a giant dick, okay, it grew over the years, just like the rest of me. Second... damnit, who do you think you are? Once youíve been born with a body part, you keep it until you die, there is nothing like a fucking justice or anything that equals things after some time.
Daron: How can you know, maybe there is!
John: No! No fucking way! Youíre talking bullshit, Daron.
Daron: Ah, am I?! Alright, you know what? Iím glad about all this, okay, I like your dick and I wanna keep it. You can spend the rest of your life with Schnibbel, I donít give a shit!
John: (punches Daronís chest) You donít give a shit? You donít give a shit? Let me tell you something, you better do give a shit from now on, man, coz there is no way you are gonna keep Hulk. Heís my cock. He belongs to me.
Daron: (tries to get away from him) Ouch! Damnit, stop hitting me all the time!
John: (follows him and keeps punching him) Iím gonna hit you as much as I like it, díyou get me?
Daron: Oww! Cut it out!
Hulk: (clears his throat) Guys... guys! Please!
John and Daron: (pause) What?
Hulk: Why donít we go and ask Serj?
Daron: Serj? What does he have to do with this? You think itís his fault?
John: No... but Hulk is right, Serj is half a God, remember?
Daron: Hard to believe, if you ask me. A half-God who used to smoke loads of weed and bang groupies like no tomorrow, hehe.
John: Whatever. But he helped you before, so maybe he can just call one of his divine friends and theyíll solve our problem within five minutes. Itís worth trying, ainít it, or díyou have any better idea?
Daron: (sighs) No, I donít. Okay, letís go to Serjís, before you beat the living crap out of me.

(...)
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PostSubject: Re: Switch !   Tue Dec 02, 2008 11:34 pm

Merged threads, it's the same story so i think it should remain in the same thread. Keep things organized and easy to find.

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PostSubject: Re: Switch !   Thu Dec 04, 2008 12:20 am

Yeah, I wanted to do that with the other stories as well for a longer time^^

To the story:

LOL! That's great. The Comeback of Schnibbel. Nice to see him in action again.

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PostSubject: Re: Switch !   Tue Dec 30, 2008 11:55 am

^Schnibbel is always in action because um, He is a cock.

Nice story Silke, I <3 Schnibbel. snapy
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PostSubject: Re: Switch !   Thu Jan 01, 2009 2:15 pm

Wow Shocked you mean Schnibbel has another fan? most people dont like him coz he is an asshole (or a dick, lol) but it seems he really has some fans here O.o amazing Laughing
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PostSubject: Re: Switch !   Fri Jan 02, 2009 1:00 pm

schnibbel HAS fans, silke.
i might work on a userbar about it, if only I could fine the site... Sad
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PostSubject: Re: Switch !   Fri Jan 02, 2009 1:05 pm

Almost forgot to post the next part here, hehe Embarassed

(...)


Serj sits on the floor in his living room and does yoga. The doorbell rings seven times.
Serj: (sighs) Let me guess who this is, hehe... (gets up and opens, pretending to seem surprised) John, Daron Ė whatís up, what are you doing here so early in the morning?
John: We gotta to talk to you, man, we need your help.
Daron: YOU do...
John: You do, too. Serj, really, this is serious!
Serj: Alright, come in. (they go inside and sit down on the couch) And now tell me what happened.
John: Itís hard to explain... when I woke up this morning, there was... I had... ah, see for yourself. (he drops his pants)
Serj: (giggles) Uhm... hehe... wow... now this is a surprise... I guess.
John: You can call it that, yeah.
Serj: And what happened to Hulk?
John: (points at Daron) Guess what.
Daron: (drops his pants and shakes his hips) Hehe, check this out, Serj, I got a huge cock, itís even bigger than yours.
John: Itís MY cock, for fucking Godís sake! Serj, please, you gotta help us! I want my fucking dick back, I canít live with this small wiener, I just... canít!
Schnibbel: Pff, and who asks us cocks what we want? Huh?
Serj: Okay, so what do you want?
Schnibbel: I wanna stay with John. He is a sucker, okay, but he isnít as bad as the motherfucker I used to be attached to.
John: What? No fucking way!
Daron: There you have it. And I wanna keep Hulk.
Hulk: NO! I swear Iíll kill myself if I gotta stay with Daron.
Daron: Pff, and how do you wanna do that, killing yourself, huh? Youíre gonna buy a gun and shoot yourself in the head? (pokes Johnís arm) Did you get that? The cock and its head? Hahaha.
John: Shut the fuck up, you...
Serj: (clears his throat) Guys, come on... calm down.
John: Calm down, thatís easy to say for you, you still have your cock in your pants and not this... thing.
Schnibbel: Thing? Whoís the thing, huh?
Serj: PLEASE! Guys, really, I can imagine that this must be confusing (clears his throat again) but to be honest, I donít really get what you expect me to do now...
Daron: Ask John, it was his idea to come here.
John: Uhm... I donít know... man, youíre half a God, I thought you might know what happened and why we changed our dicks over night...
Serj: Uhmmm.... no, I have no idea... my divine part doesnít make me omniscient, you know.
John: Okay, so maybe you could just, like... do something about this mess?
Serj: What? Ooh, no, man, that really goes beyond my powers. Hehe.
John: Alright, so why donít you call one of those Gods and make them reverse it. Like, now!
Serj: Thatís not so easy, dude...
John: But you did it last time, when you helped Daron with Schnibbel, and this Goddess even made his hair grow again, so come on, there must be someone in charge of this, whatever...
Hulk: Yes, Serj, please, help us!
Serj: (rolls his eyes) Guys, seriously, I canít call them right now. There are certain rules for that, itís not like calling your Mom or Dad. I gotta prepare several things, gotta get in the right mood, I gotta say a few verses that I donít know by heart, and... I can try it tonight, thatís all I can offer for now. Hehe.
John and Hulk: Tonight?!!?
Serj: Yeah, well, Iím sorry but Iím afraid you will have to wait until then, hehe.
Daron: Hehehe, thatís fine for me, take your time, Serj.
John: You must be kidding me! How can I even try to live my life like this?
Daron: Oh come on, you always said that cock is not important, so why are you so pissed now? I mean, itís not like we changed heads...
John: Then you could be sure Iíd shoot myself in YOUR fucking head after ten minutes. Having your stupid head instead of mine would indeed be worse. (looks down) Well, at least a little.
Schnibbel: Iím not sure it that was meant to insult me now.
John: It was.
Schnibbel: Screw you.
Daron: Wait, that did also insult me, right? Motherfucker!
John: (rolls his eyes) Seeerj!!!
Serj: Hehe, Iím sorry, John, but Iím afraid you gotta deal with the situation, at least for now. Hehe.
John: I donít wanna fucking deal with nothing! And why the hell are you giggling all the time, are you fucking stoned already?
Serj: (clears his throat) Uhm, no. Hehe. Iím sorry that I consider this constellation a little funny, at least from my point of view.
John: Aw thank you. A great friend you are.
Daron: (excited) Now you know how I always used to feel. See? Before, Iíve always been the dork here, and now itís you. Now people are making fun of you. I KNEW it! It had to do with my cock! Schnibbel is cursed, whoever is with him becomes a dork. (pokes Johnís arm) Youíre a dooooork, Johnny, youíre a dooo-ooork...
John: (punches Daronís chest) Shut the fuck up, you fucker, and stop poking me or Iíll beat the living shit out of you, díyou get me?
Daron: Ouch! Damnit! Why canít you stop punching me, huh? That fucking hurts!
John: Iíll stop punching you when you stop being a total asshole.
Schnibbel: Which will be, like, never.
Daron: Look whoís talking. Mr. Iím-a-dick-not-just-because-Iím-a-cock.
Serj: (rolls his eyes) Guys, come on, thatís no reason to freak out...
John: Are you fucking kidding me?
Serj:... Iím gonna try my best to solve your problem as soon as it is possible. You do have faith in me, donít you?
John: (grumbles) Okay, okay... but you gotta promise that youíll do anything to gimme my dick back. Please, Serj, promise youíll do it!
Serj: I promise. Hehe.
John: And stop giggling, for fucking Godís sake!
Hulk: Watch your language, if you want the Gods to help you, you shouldnít drag their names in the dirt.
Schnibbel: That doesnít mean anything. Daron abused their names all the time since heís been a little kid, and yet they helped him.
Serj: Why donít you guys go and, I donít know, have breakfast or whatever; Iíll need some time on my own today. But Iíll call you as soon as I got any news. Agree?
John: (sighs) Agree.
Daron: (pats his shoulder) Come on, man, Iíll invite you for breakfast. Iím fucking starving.
They leave the house. Serj chuckles and scratches his head.
Pogo (out of Serjís pants): Iím sorry if Iím questioning your wisdom, Serj, but are you sure that youíre doing the right thing? It seems that John is the one you are hurting this time, not Daron...
Serj: It may seem so for now, yes... but wait and see, it wonít take too long until Daron will knock on my door and beg me to take Hulk away from him.
Pogo: But even if... arenít you afraid John is going to be mad at you for the rest of your life if he finds out that you are responsible?
Serj: (smiles) Well, Pogo, if you wanna achieve something, you gotta be willing to take a risk, right?
Pogo: (sighs) True, true... I assume youíre not going to call any God or Goddess tonight?
Serj: Youíre assuming the right thing, hehe. John will survive a few days with Schnibbel, donít you think?

(...)
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PostSubject: Re: Switch !   Sun Jan 04, 2009 7:20 pm

Quote :
Schnibbel: I’m not sure it that was meant to insult me now.
John: It was.
Schnibbel: Screw you.
Daron: Wait, that did also insult me, right? Motherfucker!

LOOOOOOOL

That's funny!

Mmmh, Schnibbel Fans... let me think... oh yeah! We open a Schnibbel Fanclub! At least Daron seems to be a fan of it and John I don't know.

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PostSubject: Re: Switch !   Sun Jan 04, 2009 8:15 pm

LOL Brad Laughing can I be in the fanclub too?

And: next part Very Happy

(...)

Daron and John go to a restaurant down the street to have breakfast. They sit down on a table in the corner. The waitress appears almost immidiately.
Waitress: Good morning. Whatíll it be for you guys?
Daron: Iíll take a large breakfast with large scrambled eggs and extra bacon... and a large coffee, no, an XL-coffee. I feel like XL today, hehe.
John: Iíll have a whiskey.
Waitress: Sorry, we are not serving alcohol before noon.
John: (rolls eyes) Whenever you think it canít get worse... whatever, Iíll have a coffee then.
Waitress: XL?
Daron: No, small for him, hehehe.
John: (kicks Darons shin under the table) A normal one. Just normal.
The waitress nods and leaves.
Daron: (giggles) Where has your sense of humour gone, dude?
John: I can tell you where itís gone. In your pants.
Daron: Really? I never knew that humour is located it a guyís cock, hehehe.
John: Seriously, Daron, I canít understand why you seem to enjoy this mess so much. Okay, you got a big (he lowers his voice) a big dick for now, but canít you see what that means?
Daron: (stares) It means... that I have a big dick. Hehe.
John: (rolls eyes again) Donít pretend to be more stupid than you are. Just imagine Serj wonít be able to reverse this shit Ė we are gonna go on tour in a few days, how are we supposed to do that when your stupid dick is attached to me?
Daron: What does that have to do with our tour?
John: Maybe you do remember the unimportant fact that itís your cock that is singing all our songs, donít you?! To be honest, it was some kind of a miracle that our European fans didnít find out the truth...
Daron: Europeans are stupid, thatís why, hehe.
John:... but now that he is in my pants, we canít just put a microphone near him and let him sing. Nobody would hear him with the drums right in front of him.
Daron: Pff. It worked with my guitar, too. We just gotta turn up the volume.
John: That wonít work! People are gonna notice that the voice does not come from you. At least we would have to let Franky and Dominic in on our secret, and believe me, I do trust those guys but we have come so far with cheating the whole world that I just donít think itís a good idea to have any more confidants.
Daron: (thinks) Eeh... damnit, I didnít think about that...
John: I see, yes.
The waitress brings the coffee and breakfast.
John: Thank you. (waits until she is gone again) To be honest, Daron, if Serj wonít manage to reverse everything, Iím afraid weíre gonna have to cancel the tour...
Daron: NO WAY! (lowers his voice) Iím not gonna cancel anything, díyou get me? Scars is my band...
John: (coughs) Our band.
Daron:... and I put so much.... so much of myself in it, there is no way Iím gonna cancel the fucking tour!
John: Great. And what do you wanna do? I mean, even IF we decided to tell our bandmates that our cocks are talking and singing and whatever Ė do you wanna explain how we suddenly changed dicks? And that Serj is a half-god? And Ė
Daron: (raises both hands) Cut it out, Iím trying to think, okay?
John: Okay Iíll be back tomorrow.
Daron: Very funny. Motherfucker. (sighs) Well, if there is absolutely no chance to reverse before the tour, Iíll pretend to have a sore throat and delay a few shows. That should give Serj enough time to... do whatever heís gonna do.
John: The idea is not that bad. Are you sure you made it up yourself?
Daron: Yeah, just like I made up all our lyrics myself.
John: (coughs) Almost.
Daron: Whatever. I gotta piss. Donít touch my food, Iíll be back in a minute.
John: Donít worry, Iím not hungry anyway.
Daron gets up and goes to the restroom.
Daron: Oww... damnit, stupid tight pants, I really gotta go clothes shopping after breakfast, I can hardly walk like this. Fucking hurts with each step. (undoes his pants and takes Hulk out) ahhh, better.
Hulk: Tell me about it! Iím gonna get a cramp if you keep squeezing me like that.
Daron: Yeah, yeah, I know. (places himself in front of the urinal and pees, whisteling a tune) Wow this is a completely different feeling, hehe.
Hulk: For me, too, thank you.
A guy comes in and places himself right in front of the urinal next to Daron.
Guy: Sorry for staring at your member, but... wow! Now thatís what I call big!
Daron: (proud) Hehe, thanks.
Guy: Honesty, I think Iíve never seen one that huge before.
Daron: Oh yeah, he is special, indeed. (turns aside) Have a closer look, I donít mind, hehe.
Guy: (leans forward a bit and stares) Wow... did you anything with it or is it just grown that big by nature?
Daron: (even more proud) Thatís all natural, dude. Makes you jealous, huh? Donít worry, everyone is jealous when they see him.
Guy: Hmm, jealous ainít the right word to describe my feelings... God Iíd love to see that one when itís hard...
Daron: Er, what?
Guy:... and even more Iíd love to feel it inside my ass... (reaches out and touches Hulk) Come on, man, letís do it, right now and here!
Daron: WHAT? (jumps back and pulls up his pants hastily) Take your dirty hands off my dick, or Iíll kick you right in the nuts! Youíre crazy or what? Iím not a fucking faggot, motherfucker! (runs out and back to John)
John: What happened, did taking a piss leave you breathless? Or did you... Daron, you didnít jack off in there, did you?!
Daron: Is that all you can think of? Man, I just almost got raped in there, and you...
John: Hold on, you almost were WHAT?
Daron: There was this ugly son of a bitch, and he touched my cock and even wanted me to fuck him, I mean, come on, do I look like a goddamn fag or what?
John: Pff. I thought you were into sodomy, so what difference does it make whether you shove yourself into a male or a female ass?
Daron: That makes a huge difference, okay, thatís just not the same Ė not that I ever tried it with a guy, thatís just gross, but... (interrupts himself) And by the way, did you forget that itís your dick that would have ended up inside a male ass?
John: Fuck! Yeah I forgot... hold you, you said he touched Hulk? Damnit, Daron, canít I even let you go to take a leak for two minutes without my dick getting molested?
Daron: Calm down, man. You can be glad that I at least didnít decide to make a gay experience, hehe, but if you keep bashing me, I might consider it next time...
John: Oh really? Then I might as well decide to try something new, too. Have you ever wondered what itís like to fuck a goat, Daron? Schnibbel would be able to tell you a lot about it afterwards.
Daron: You are such a sucker!
Waitress: Guys, I donít know what the hell you are talking about, but here are minors around, okay, so if you donít watch your explicit language, Iím afraid I gotta ask you to leave...
Daron: Fine. I got better things to do anyway.
John: What about your breakfast, Mr. XL?
Daron: Iím sick now, okay? (gets up and takes his jacket) You pay.

(..)
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PostSubject: Re: Switch !   Fri Jan 30, 2009 9:12 pm

Next chapter snapy

(...)

In front of the restaurant.
John: And what now?
Daron: I donít know what youíre gonna do, man, but I really need to get some wide pants. I can hardly walk coz those are so tight in my crotch. That fucking hurts.
John: Good idea, youíve been squeezing my poor dick way too long already. Okay, so where díyou wanna go?
Daron: Hold on... that sounds like you wanna come with me.
John: Yeah, why not?
Daron: Dude, we are guys, in case you havenít noticed. Guys donít go shopping together, girls do.
John: Thatís bullshit, Daron.
Daron: No, itís not. People will think weíre gay.
John: (rolls eyes) Why are you always afraid that someone might think youíre gay? Thatís beyond normal, man.
Daron: Nah, itís not. Do you wanna be considered a faggott, John? Ah, I forgot, you probably donít mind because you actually ARE a fag. (starts singing) JOHN IS GAY...
John: Shut the fuck up, asshole. Yeah, I actually do not mind people calling me gay because I know Iím not. You know, the guys who are most afraid to be considered homosexual are most likely to be closet queens who just donít dare to admit it to themselves.
Daron: (jumps on John) You take that back immidiately, motherfucker, or Iíll beat the living shit out of you, I swear!
John: (stops him with one arm) I ainít gonna take anything back. Try to grow up, dude, and leave me the fuck alone!
Daron: (steps back and straightens his jacket) One part of me has grown a lot lately, if I may remind you, hehe.
John: You donít get what Iím talking about at all, do you?
Daron: Get what?
John: Whatever. Now letís go and get you some new pants, I donít want Hulk to suffer longer than necessary.
Hulk: (out of Daronís pants) Iím gonna suffer anyway as long as Iím forced to stay with him.
Daron: Shut up down there. Man, John, your dick is a wuss, just like you, hehe.

They go to Daronís favourite clothes shop.
Seller: Mr. Malakian! What a surprise to see you again Ė is there anything wrong with the clothes you bought last month?
Daron: No, no, theyre great, I just thought... uhm... I want... I need...
John: He wants to change his style a bit.
Daron: Yes, exactly. Itís about time for me to try something else, maybe a new look for our upcoming tour, you know.
Seller: Aah, I see... then youíre also gonna shave this awful beard, I guess? I personally never liked it, if I may be honest; it makes you look like you lived in a cardboard box in the streets.
John: Hehehehehehe.
Daron: (angry) I was JUST talking about my clothes, okay? Iím gonna keep my beard because I like it. I think it suits me. And the next person to call me a bum gets a kick right in the ass, díyou get that?
Seller: (blushes) Of course, Mr. Malakian, Iím sorry. So... what kind of clothes would you like to try on for your new look?
Daron: I need wide pants! And... some tees that fit to them, maybe a hoodie, I donít give a shit, all I really want are wide pants, you know, baggy style.
The seller picks some pants and tees from the shelves and hands them to Daron who heads into the fitting room. A few minutes later he comes out, wearing a pair of black baggy jeans.
John: Bwwhahahaha, oh man.
Daron: Whatís funny, huh?
John: You... haha... you look like a midget, dude.
Daron: (gives him the finger) Shut up.
John: No, really. Your legs... they look so incredibly short, I mean, I know they actually are but... now shave your beard and you look fifteen, hahaha.
Daron: You can call me a midget, man, I donít give a shit. We both know that Iím big where it really counts, John, right? My legs might be short but somewhere else, Iíve got at least ten inches.
John: (coughs) Actually itís twelve...
Seller: O.O
Daron: Whoa, twelve, really? Good. Good. Anyway, every single inch has enough space in these pants, man. Feels freaking good. Iíll take ten pairs.
Seller: Ten?
Daron: Yeah.
John: Uhm, Daron, I donít think youíll need the addictional space long enough to wear ten pairs of jeans. Especially given that you only change them once a month
Daron: Pfff, what do you know?
John: No, seriously, man, Iím sure itís not necessary to... (his cellphone rings) ah damnit, hold on... (answers the phone) hello? Heey, honey, whatís up? Yeah, Iím... Iím in a shop with Daron. No, nothing special, weíre just hanging out and stuff. What? Uhm... no, not as far as I know, why? Tonight? Yeah... at eight? Where? Yeah. Yeah, I know. What? Sure you can stay at my place overnight. Alright. Iíll see ya then. (lowers his voice) Yeah, I love ya, too. (hangs up) Ah, fuck, man!!
Daron: (giggles) Whatís up, dude?
John: Iím really in the shit, man. Today itís Linís and my three months anniversary, I completely forgot about that. She got us a table at the restaurant weíve first been to together for tonight, you know, all that romantic candle-light shit. Damn!
Daron: Whatís your problem, man? Last week you were stuck on cloud nine, about to burst with puppy love for Linda, and now you act like she was nothing but a nuisance to you. Hold on Ė youíve got another chick already?
John: Hell, no! Lin is great, I donít want any other girl.
Daron: (impatiently) So what is your fucking problem?
John: (sighs and pulls Daron aside so the seller cant hear them) Donít you know what it means when your girlfriend takes you out for a romantic dinner and already asks if she can stay overnight? She wants to fuck me tonight.
Daron: Is there anything wrong with my ears? Dude, have you turned into a monk or what? Usually you canít wait to get screwed.
John: Usually, yes. Usually I have (he lowers his voice) I have my own dick in my pants, you know?!
Daron: Ah, I donít mind, feel free to use Schnibbel for anything you like.
John: Are you retarded? Besides the fact that I donít even want to use that thing at all, even if I wanted, I couldnít do it. Iíve had sex with Lin before, she knows Hulk, she is used to him. If I now try to fuck her with your little thingy, she will... how am I supposed to explain that my cock is not even half as big as it used to all of a sudden?
Daron: Uhm.... good question.
John: See?
Daron: But maybe Lin really just wants to take you out for dinner. I mean, going out doesnít necessarily mean she intends to hump you. You are not irresistible, dude.
John: Pff, maybe thatís not the case in your fucked-up relationship, but let me tell you, Lin is crazy for me and my body. I mean, usually.
Daron: And what are you gonna do now?
John: (angry) How the fuck am I supposed to know? Man, I swear, if I ever find out who is responsible for this shit, Iím gonna kick them straight to the moon!
Daron: Donít look at me, man, I have nothing to do with it!
John: Which I still doubt, but whatever.
Daron: (rolls eyes) Screw you. Hey, Iím gonna pay for those pants now, and then we can sit down somewhere and...
John: Nah, seriously, man, Iíve had enough for today. Iíll go home and try to figure out how Iím gonna survive tonight without risking my relationship.
Daron: Shouldnít we try to think it over together, I mean, donít they say something like Ďtwo minds will find a solution easier than just oneí?
John: That doesnít count when one of the two minds belongs to Daron Malakian.
Daron: You know what, fuck you, okay? Your relationship-shit is none of my business anyway.
John: Exactly. See ya.
Daron: Hey, dude, and donít ya forget the radio interview tomorrow!
John: Whatever. (leaves)
Daron: (rolls eyes) For years and years I always heard that cock size isnít everything, and now that he is affected, he acts like he was doomed to die. What a pussy!
Seller: Pardon, Mr. Malakian?
Daron: No, not you, hehe, my friend, he is... ah, forget it, you wouldnít understand. Iíll take those ten pairs of jeans, as I said, can you deliver them to my house as usual?

(...)

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PostSubject: Re: Switch !   Tue Feb 03, 2009 6:12 pm

Okay nobody comments on it anymore but anyway.... heres the next part.

(...)



Daron walks along the street.
Daron: Stupid John. For ages, heís been telling me Ďdick size doesnít matter, Daron, donít be childish, Daroní, and now look whoís whining Ďwaah, my cock is too smallí. Motherfucker. You always get what you deserve, hehe, yeah.
A car stops next to him, honking.
Daron: What the fuck, man?! (looks inside the car) Shavo! You son of a camel driver! What are you doing here?
Shavo: You seem to forget that I actually live in LA, huh?
Daron: Yet you didnít come to Serjís place yesterday.
Shavo: Man, Iím busy these days.
Daron: Busy with what? Sitting around in the studio, jackiní off and getting baked while youíre pretending to work on your hip-hop-shit?
Shavo: (gives him the finger) Dude, just because youíre always jacking off everywhere you go doesnít mean others do the same. And hip hop ainít shit, man, itís THE shit. But I donít expect you to understand. I mean, someone who lets his dick the the singer of his band instead of himself...
Daron: If you just wanna be a pain in my neck, you better piss of before I tie your beard to the bumper and drag you through the whole city. Asshole. (turns to leave)
Shavo: (rolls eyes) Come back, man! Why are you such a pussy today, huh? Lack of weed? Endocrine disorder? Excited about your upcoming tour?
Daron: (pauses and sighs) I ainít sure if thereís gonna be a tour at all, man.
Shavo: What? Why, what happened? Did John leave the band coz he couldnít stand looking at the pube jungle in your face all the time?
Daron: (snorts and walks away)
Shavo: I was just kidding! Dar! Come back!
Daron: (walks back slowly) Very funny, motherfucker, veeeery funny.
Shavo: Iím sorry, okay? Now seriously, whatís up with Scars?
Daron: Uhm, actually it doesnít really have anything to do with Scars... I mean, in a way, it does, but... Shav, I gotta ask you a question, but it might sound a bit weird to you.
Shavo: Iím used to you asking weird questions, hehe, just go ahead.
Daron: (looks around) Okay, so... when you woke up this morning, what did you have between your legs?
Shavo: A hot chickís head.
Daron: No, seriously.
Shavo: I am being serious, dude. Had quite an exciting night, hehe, if you know what I mean.
Daron: Whatever. But you still have 2stoned2stand down there, right?
Shavo: O.o What the fuck... sure I do, what a question is that?
Daron: I said it might sound weird, remember?
Shavo: Thatís not weird, thatís completely insane. Why are you asking something like that?
Daron: (lowers his voice) There are some very strange things going on lately, things that have to do with cocks.
Shavo: Like what?
Daron: Like... when I woke up this morning, I didnít have Schnibbel in my pants anymore but Ė Hulk.
Shavo: NO WAY!
Daron: Shhh!
Shavo: Daron, Iíve always known you are crazy but this time, youíre really taking it too far. Okay, your cock is small, your cock is a bitch, your cock canít sing to save his life. But thatís no reason to pretend...
Daron: (interrupts him) Pretend? PRETEND? You donít believe me?
Shavo: Come on, Dar, how could I believe you such a crazy story? You have Hulk in your pants now, hmm, sure, thatís the reason why you are wearing those jeans that make you look like you were runtish, right?
Daron: Yes exactly. Hulk needed more space in the crotch.
Shavo: (rolls eyes) Stop making a fool of yourself, dude. Ah no, hold on, youíve been doing that for 33 years now, you probably can not stop, even if you wanted.
Daron: Iíll pretend I didnít hear that, you butthole. I know Iím telling the truth, whether you wanna believe me or not.
Shavo: Okay, so if itís true, show me Hulk.
Daron: What?
Shavo: Youíve heard me. Show me Hulk if he is with you.
Daron: Pfff, you think Iím gonna show you my dick in public? Iíll get busted before I can pull my pants up again.
Shavo: (opens the passengerís door) Okay, climb in, Iíll take you somewhere more private.
Daron: (gets into the car and giggles) Hehe, I feel like a hooker now. So how much are you gonna pay, Mister, huh? But let me tell you from the start, I ainít gonna do anything without a condom, hehehe.
Shavo: Stop that bullshit, you fucker! Iíd pay you to leave me the hell alone, thatís all.
Daron: Really? Youíd pay me for that?
Shavo stops in a narrow side street.
Shavo: Okay, now show me Hulk.
Daron: And what about the foreplay?
Shavo: Donít take it too far, man!
Daron: (giggles) Okay, okay... (undoes his pants and takes Hulk out) There he is.
Hulk: Whatís going on here? Oh, hello Shavo.
Shavo: O.O
Daron: Do you believe me now?
Shavo: Uhm.... I think I have to. Wow, man, how the hell did that happen?
Daron: I have no fucking clue, dude. I woke up and there he was.
Shavo: And Schnibbel? Where.... no! NO! Donít tell me he is with John now! Mwwhahahaha, holy shit, poor John!
Hulk: Indeed. And poor me, if I may add that.
Daron: Shut up!
Shavo: Man, Iím speechless, seriously!
Daron: Tell me about it! I thought I was still dreaming when I saw him. I mean, he is so BIG.
Shavo: (laughs) Yeah, and to be honest, he doesnít suit you at all.
Daron: Who cares if he suits me or not, he is with me now. And shall I tell you something, I like it, hehe.
Shavo: Iím sure John doesnít share that opinion, huh?
Daron: Pfff, John. That pussy. He forced me to go to Serj with him. You know, since Serj once helped me with Schnibbel, John thought he could reverse what happened or whatever.
Shavo: And what did Serj say? Did he laugh his ass off, hehe?
Daron: In a way, yes, hehe. I didnít really get him but he said he couldnít do anything but has to wait until tonight for some reason. You know, so he can ask those Gods he is in touch with.
Shavo: Holy shit, dude, thatís the craziest thing Iíve ever seen and heard! I mean, you guys suddenly got the other oneís cock Ė I swear, if I wasnít sure Iím actually sober, Iíd think I was on a real good trip, man.
Daron: You are sober? PAH! Youíve never been sober during the last twenty years, man.
Shavo: Speak about yourself, you pothead.
Daron: Whoís the bigger pothead, huh?
Shavo: You.
Daron: No, you!
Shavo: No, YOU!
Hulk: Who gives a shit about that anyway? Drugs suck, and those who do drugs suck as well.
Daron and Shavo: Shut up there.
Hulk: God, I wish I was with John!
Daron: Shavo, youíre sure that youíve still got 2stoned2stand in your pants? I mean, if something like that happened once, why not with someone else as well?!...
Shavo: Iím pretty sure but if you insist... (undoes his pants and takes out 2stoned2stand) Here we go.
2stoned2stand: Dude... whatís up... do I get blown again?
Shavo: No, man, itís just Daron who wanted to see you.
2stoned2stand: Daron? Ah, hey, man. And hey, Hulk, what... Shavo, what the hell did you smoke, dude, I think I see Daron with Hulk...
Daron: That ainít a hallucination, man, it IS me with Hulk, hehe.
2stoned2stand: Shit, man, what the fuck happened? Where is Schnibbel, the little bitch?
Shavo: You wonít believe it, man, heís with John, hahaha.
2stoned2stand: Bwwhahahaha, holy shit, poor John!
Hulk: And poor me, donít forget that.
2stoned2stand: Youíre right, hehe, whether youíre stuck with Schnibbel or with Daron, itís all the same shit.
Shavo: Haha, Stoney, you got the point here.
Daron: Shut the fuck up, you...
Someone knocks on the passengerís door.
Shavo: FUCK! The pi... uhm, the cops! (he and Daron pull up their pants as fast as possible)
Cop1: Hello in there, could you please wind down the window?
Daron: (winds it down) Hey officer, whatís up?
Cop2: You do the same, please.
Shavo: (does it) We didnít do anything!
Cop1: Nothing except sitting in a car, exposing your genitals in a public street.
Shavo: Uhmmm yeah, well, we can explain that to you...
Cop2: Thatís not necessary, thank you.
Cop1: (gazes at them) Hold on... arenít you two those guys from that metal band? System under.... under...
Daron: System of a down, man.
Cop1: Yees, exactly. You broke up a few years ago, right?
Shavo: No, weíre on hiatus.
Cop1: Whereís the difference?
Shavo: That the band still exists but just ainít doing anything at the moment. A break-up would mean...
Cop2: Whatever, we didnít come here to discuss music business. What you have just done could be called scandalization, do you know that?
Daron: What? No way, we didnít do anything!
Cop2: You said that before, yes. Still you exposed your private parts in public.
Daron: This ainít public, this it his car.
Cop1: But the street is public. What if a child had come along and taken a look inside the car while you were... doing nothing?! And by the way Ė you as famous musicians, canít you afford a hotel room?
Shavo: Hold on, officer, you donít seriously think that him and me... oh my God, no!
Cop1: I donít care, thatís none of my business. You can do whatever you want, just donít do it in public! Itís for your own good, I mean, imagine we would tell what we just saw to the media....
Shavo: (sheepish) I get what you mean.
Cop2: Good. This is a warning, guys, okay? If we ever catch you again in a similar situation, weíll arrest you for scandalization. So if you wanna do yourselves a favour, keep your dicks in your pants until youíre at home. (to Daron) Especially you, Sir. Every little girl who saw your cock would be traumatized for life.
Daron: Hehe, Iíll take that as a compliment.
Cop2: Take it as anything but promise you keep your pants up in the future.
Daron: Okay, I promise. Hehe.
Cop1: Alright then, have a nice day. And good luck for the band.
The cops leave on their car.
Shavo: Holy fuck, man, I swear such things can only happen when Iím with you!
Daron: Shut the fuck up, it ainít my fault.
Shavo: Sure it is. You urged me to show my dick to you.
Daron: Pfffff, youíre a pussy, just like John.
Shavo: Fuck you.
Daron: Fuck you, too. (silence) Hey man, letís go for a coffee, I can really need one.
Shavo: No way, dude, I gotta go back to the studio. I said Iíd be back in five minutes, I bet everyone is already wondering where I am.
Daron: Canít they jack off without you?
Shavo: (rolls eyes) Whatever. Listen, man, Iíll call ya tomorrow, okay? Maybe we can meet the others as well and get stoned together, like in the old times, you know.
Daron: Alright then. Take care. (gets out of the car)
Shavo: And donít let Ďem catch you showing Hulk to children, sucker. (honks and leaves way too fast)
Daron: Whoís the sucker, man. (sighs) Great, everyone just leave me alone today.

(...)

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