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I almost forgot to post this on here... anyway, now Im doing it its the glorious return of Schnibbel

Serj, Daron and John are meeting at Serj’s place. It has been a few months since they had last met at all since everyone has been busy touring or recording. Now Daron and John have finished their European tour and returned to the USA. Serj has just come home a couple of weeks ago as well, and the guys decided to meet for a beer and talk about their latest experiences.
Serj opens the door.
Serj: Hey guys, nice to see you again. Come in.
John: Hey Serj, what’s up?
Daron: Hey man – wow, you’re really skinny, dude!
Serj: Yeah, well, I’ve been touring for almost a year, you know that you always lose weight on the road...
John: Normal people do, yeah. Daron always gets chubby, hehe.
Daron: Shut up, man. I’m not chubby. It’s just the beard. o
Serj: I can’t believe you’re still keeping this thing, by the way... man, that must itch terribly.
Daron: Nah it does not. And by the way, several fans told me that they like my beard and that I look good with it. Haha!
Serj and John look at eachother and roll their eyes. They sit down in the living room.
Daron: Where’s Shavo?
Serj: He won’t come today, you know, he is really busy recording the Achozen-album...
John: The album that never comes out, hehe.
Daron: Yeah, man, he is the only one who hasn’t really got anything done since we went on hiatus. Wonder what he’s doing all day.
John: I can tell you. (pretends to smoke)
Daron: That’s what I do, too, but I still write songs and record them, man.
Serj: So how has your tour been, huh? It’s different to be in Europe with your own stuff and not with System, at least that’s what I felt...
John: Yeah, it was different, but the fans were really cool, they love us even when we are not the band they used to know.
Daron: Ah, well, it was okay... I don’t really like Europe, you know that. I’m glad to be here again. Many things about the USA may suck, man, but it’s still my home.
Serj: I really liked my tour, it was awesome, I met so many nice people and really had a good time. But it was good to come home again, I agree with that. It’s not easy to be so far away from your girl all the time...
John: (sighs) I know what you mean. Only jerking off on the tour bus is just not the same, hehe.
Daron: You’ve been jerking off on the bus? Ew, man!
John: Aw, come on, you did it, too!
Daron: No, I did not.
John: Of course you did, everybody does it.
Serj: Come on, guys. Who cares about ‘who was jerking off and who was not’ anyway, I mean, now that we are home, we have our girls for such things...
John: Hehe, yeah. Since I came back, we’ve been doing it at least twice a day. Man, I swear I could make love for a whole week.
Serj: Yeah, same here. When I came home, Angela and I spent three days in bed. It was amazing.
Daron: Eh... so your girls are still as hungry as they used to be?
John: Even more, I’d say, hehe.
Serj: Yeah, I’d definitely say it’s getting more, especially after I’ve been away for some time... why do you ask, Daron?
Daron: Uhm... well... I don’t know, man, but I feel like... Jess doesn’t wanna fuck me as much as she used to. You know me, guys, when I came home, there was nothing I wanted more than fucking her like crazy, but I could only do her once before she said she was too tired...
John: Shit happens, man.
Daron: Yeah, but she keeps saying stuff like ‘I’m tired’ or ‘I’ve got a headache’ whenever I want her. This sucks, man!
Serj: Well, you said she was very busy modelling these days, so maybe she is really tired and exhausted... women are no robots who wanna make love all the time, you know.
John: Or it’s the beard, hehe. You should consider shaving it, maybe she would change her mind then...
Daron: Shut the fuck up, man! It’s not the beard, okay? I think it’s...
Serj and John: What?
Daron: (sighs) It’s my dick, man. She would never say it but I think it’s too small for her.
Schnibbel: (out of Daron’s pants) Oh yeah, great, now it’s my fault again?! Sucker!
John: (rolls eyes) It’s alive.
Schnibbel: Of course I am. Come on, man, let me out.
Daron: (unzips his pants) Okay, okay... listen, man, I’m not saying it’s your fault, okay, you didn’t choose to be small, but...
Schnibbel: Small? Small my fucking ass! YOU are small. In mind.
Daron: Aw come on, you don’t wanna tell my you were big, do you?
Schnibbel: No. But if your chick doesn’t wanna let you fuck her, it’s because you don’t know how to use me.
Daron: Hah! Of course I do. I’m a good lover.
Schnibbel: Bwahaha, man, if I had an ass, I’d laugh it off right now. You’re like a rabbit, dude, you fuck fast and you’re done fast.
Daron: No, I’m not, motherfucker!
Serj: I’m sorry to interrupt your – discussion, but seriously, Daron, I’m pretty sure that all this has nothing to do with your cock. You’ve been with Jessica for quite some time now, she loves you for way more than just for fucking.
Daron: Yeah, that’s easy to say when you’ve got a big member down there.
John: Come on, man, Serj is right. Life is not all about dick size.
Schnibbel: You’ve heard him, dude.
Daron: Shut up!
Schnibbel: YOU shut up! Go home and shave this carpet off, damnit, no chick wants to fuck a guy whose face consists of nothing but hair and eyes. You look like the Yeti’s smaller brother, man.
Serj: Guys, please. I thought we had solved your problems a few months ago, remember? You promised to be good to each other. For the benefit of your next life. What happened to all this?
Daron: It was okay during the last months, man, we got along quite well. But now I’m really beginning to be afraid that... I mean... what if Jess leaves me for someone... someone like John, you know, a guy with a big cock who can almost fuck her to pieces?!
John: Fuck her to pieces? You think that’s what girls want?
Schnibbel: I’ve told you, he knows nothing about women, man, nothing! He still shoves me inside his chick’s ass instead of her pussy, I mean, it’s no surprise she doesn’t want him anymore.
Daron: Jess likes it in the ass, damnit! What do you know, by the way, huh? You are a small wiener that lives in my pants, that’s all.
Serj: (shakes his head) Guys, GUYS! I can’t believe you’re coming up with all this again. Just think about it, Daron, why should Jess suddenly have a problem with your dick size after all those years, that doesn’t make any sense. Why don’t you just ask her if anything’s wrong with her?
Daron: Oh, yeah, and what am I supposed to say? ‘Hey, babe, sorry for bothering you, but do you think my cock is too small’, or what?
Schnibbel: What about ‘hey, babe, do you like being with a human fur ball’?
Daron: I didn’t ask you, asshole.
Serj: Try to grow up, Daron. In a relationship, you should be able to talk about everything, both good things and bad things. And your manhood is not the most important thing, when will you realize that?
Schnibbel: This guy always sounds like he was your therapist, hehehe.
John: I’m the one who needs therapy, after all this time on tour with both of you...
Schnibbel: I can’t understand why you chose to be in a band with HIM again anyway.
John: Sometimes I wonder about that myself.
Daron: (shows him his big finger) Fuck you, man.
Serj: Calm down everyone, okay? I’m getting tired of this shit. We haven’t met for such a long time, and now you’re arguing with your fucking dick again. When will all this finally stop, huh?
Schnibbel: He started!
Daron: Yeah, but you had to talk back right again, as usual, you damn little bastard.
Serj: (sighs) Shut up, both of you! Daron, I think for now it’s better if you take your Schnibbel and go home...
Daron: (to Schnibbel while he puts it back in his pants and gets up) See, he’s kicking us out, just because of you. We always get in trouble because of you. First my girlfriend doesn’t want me anymore, and now my friends... man, I’d give ANYTHING to get another dick, I swear to fucking God!

Later that night...
Serj sits on the floor naked, surrounded by dozens of candles, his eyes closed. He whispers words in a weird-sounding foreign language.
Pogo Stick: Serj... I’m sorry to interrupt you but do you really think that this ia a good idea?
Serj: Yes. I thought about it carefully. I need to teach Daron a lesson. If I won’t do it, nobody will.
Pogo Stick: But you won’t only affect him... what about John, he hasn’t done anything...
Serj: (sighs) He is a grown-up man, I’m sure he can handle the situation. And it won’t last forever, only for a few days. Or weeks. Believe me, I wouldn’t do it if it wasn’t absolutely necessary.
Pogo Stick: Alright. I just hope you know what you’re doing.
Serj: (nods his head and keeps whispering his strange prayer)

The next morning. Daron’s place.
Daron: (yawns) Aah... night’s already over again... man, I had such a hot dream, hehe, I really need to jerk off... (reaches out between his legs) WHOA! What the fuck is wrong with... (looks under the blanket) WOW!
Hulk: What? YOU?

At the same time at John’s place.
John: (yawns) Aaah... what a night... I gotta take a shower. (gets up and into the bathroom where he takes a look into the mirror) God, I look like...
Schnibbel: Good morning, hehe.
John: What? YOU? NOOOOOO !!

part 2

(..)

Daron: (rubs his eyes) What the... this is... Hulk, is that you?
Hulk: Yes, it’s me. I wish it wasn’t, though.
Daron: (sits up and looks down) Hey dude, what are you doing down threre?
Hulk: I have no fucking idea, believe me. I was just here all of a sudden.
Daron: (scratches his head, still looking down) Okay, okay, let me think... maybe I’m still asleep and this is just one of those dreams... a pretty realistic one, but...
Hulk: This would be the worst nightmare I ever had. But unfortunately, I don’t think either of us is dreaming. You know, since both of us happen to experience exactly the same, it would have to be some kind of collective hallucination, a malfunction in both our brains, maybe caused by certain medication, controlled from outside, and...
Daron: What the fuck are you talking about? Speak English, dude, okay?
Hulk: (sighs) I mean, it’s not very likely to happen that two individuals share the same dream at the same time. And that again means we are either both insane – or this is real.
Daron: Well, actually I’m not quite sure if I’m insane or not right now, I mean, I fucking woke up with a giant dick instead of the little wiener I’m used to. And by the way, I didn’t even know that cocks can dream at all...
Hulk: YOU are indeed insane, in more than one way. And why shouldn’t cocks dream as well, huh? I’m sure some of us have more brains and personality than you do.
Daron: Hey, stop bitching at me, man, I didn’t do anything!
Hulk: Well, I’m attached to you for whatever reason, that’s bad enough.
Daron: But that’s not my fault!
Hulk: Are you sure? You wished for a bigger dick all your life, man, and now it came true... that’s a strange coincidence, isn’t it?
Daron: Yeah, sure, I suddenly found out how to use witchcraft. Come on, man, look at me – if I had any powers, be sure I’d get myself an everlasting amount of weed and a few other things first before I might even think about stealing John’s cock. (pauses) Wait... did I just say that? I stole John’s cock? (giggles)
Hulk: I don’t give a shit what happened and how you did it, I just want you to change it back, for God’s sake! Now!
Daron: Are you fucking deaf or what, I did not do it! Read my lips: I DID NOT DO IT.
Hulk: But we gotta do something. I mean, YOU gotta do something. It can’t remain the way it is now. It just can’t.
Daron: Hmm... why not, hehe, the more I think about it, the more I like the idea... I didn’t expect anything like this to happen but now it HAS happened... why not take the chance, hehe...
Hulk: Dude, you must be kidding! I belong to John, not to you. You wouldn’t even know how to use me...
Daron: What? WHAT? I wouldn’t know how to use you? HAH! Believe me, motherfucker, I know more than you think I do.
Hulk: Daron, you don’t know what you are saying.
Daron: I fucking do know what I’m fucking saying, believe me. You know what? I’m gonna keep you. I’m gonna keep you, and – (the telephone rings) ah shit, who the fuck... (picks up phone) yeah?
John: (excited) Daron? Daron, this is John... Daron, I know this is gonna sound totally crazy now, but... do you have my dick?
Daron: Yeah, I do.. but wait, does that mean you’ve got Schnibbel? Bwhahahahaha!
John: This is NOT funny, you get me? What the fuck have you done, you little son of a ...
Daron: Calm down, motherfucker! Why does everyone think that I’m responsible for this, huh?
John: Let me think... maybe because you’ve been complaining about your cock as long as I fucking know you? Maybe because you would do anything to get a bigger one? Maybe because you’ve always been jealous of me, maybe...
Daron: But I did not do anything, okay, this is not my fault! I was as surprised as you are...
John: Surprised? I’m not surprised, I’m fucking shocked!
Hulk: (in the background) So am I, believe me...
John: Was that Hulk? Is he alright?
Daron: (rolls eyes) Pff, why should he not be alright?
John: Because he’s with you.
Daron: So what? I know how to treat a cock, asshole, I’ve been a guy for thirty-three years.
Schnibbel: (in the background) But you still don’t know where to shove your member when you’re with your chick. Sad, sad.
John: Shut up down there!
Daron: Hahaha, now you can see for yourself what a sucker he is!
John: I don’t give a fuck about all that. Gimme my dick back, Daron!
Daron: What? You’re as deaf as your fucking cock, or what? I don’t have nothing to do with this, okay, I can not do anything!
John: (sighs) Okay, okay... I’ll come over as soon as I can, we seriously need to talk. You stay home and wait for me, you get me? Daron?
Daron: Yeah, fuck you. (hangs up) Man, it’s not even ten in the morning and everyone’s already throwing shit at me. I fucking hate that.
Jessica: (walks up the stairs) Darry, are you okay? Who was that on the phone?
Daron: Uhm... yeah, I’m fine... that was John, he wants to come over.
Jessica: That early? Has anything happened?
Daron: Nah, he just... I don’t know, I guess it’s about our tour... (grabs his pants and jumps inside) ah shit, damnit, Hulk, I can’t close my zipper...
Hulk: Ouch, stop squeezing me!
Daron: Shut up, I have to... ow... I need to get some baggy pants in the future.
Hulk: The future? There is no future for you and me.
Jessica: (comes in) Are you talking to yourself again, Darry?
Daron: (blushes) Err... yeah. Hehe.
Jessica: Are you sure you’re okay? Does you back hurt? You look so crooked...
Daron: My back? Oh – well, yeah...a bit... I guess I twisted myself in my sleep, I had a very weird dream...
Jessica: Aww poor baby... come on, let me give you a massage... (steps behind Daron and starts rubbing his back and shoulders) Aw you’re totally tensed... you should try to relax some more...
Daron: Mmmh... yeah... that’s so good, baby.... (gazes down his body and whispers) oh shit... if this thing keeps growing, my pants are gonna burst...
Jessica: What?
Daron: N-nothing... nothing... (moves away from her) Thanks, Jess, but I... I... gotta piss. Now. (runs into the bathroom and undoes his pants) Aahhh! That’s better. Why the fuck did you grow, huh? That almost hurt!
Hulk: I’m a cock, remember? And by the way, it’s not my fault that you seem to be desperate enough to get aroused when your girl is only rubbing your back.
Daron: Desperate, pff, my ass. She’s just very good at it. (sighs) Damnit I so wanna fuck her now!
Hulk: No! No fucking way!
Daron: Hah! Why not? I’m the human, I’m the one to decide.
Hulk: And how are you gonna explain why your cock has grown that much over night? Don’t you think she will ask you some uncomfortable questions then? Questions you’re not able to answer?
Daron: (thinks) Hm... that’s true... oh yeah, sure, now that’s great – finally I got a huge dick and can’t seem to use it. (thinks again) Yet.
Hulk: You scare me when you say ‘yet’ in this context...
Jessica: (knocks on the door) Darry, who are you talking to? And please, don’t say it’s yourself again.
Daron: No... it’s my cock.
Hulk: (murmurs) I’m John’s cock, not yours.
Daron: Shut the fuck up.
Jessica: What?
Daron: Nothing... I’ll be right back, hon, don’t worry, okay?
Jessica: Okay... I’ll go down and make coffee, seems like you could need some...
Daron: Alright, hon, I’ll be there in a minute. (to Hulk) Damnit, now stop being hard, I gotta put my pants back on.
Hulk: John always lets me be hard as much as I like it.
Daron: But I’m not fucking John, okay? For now, you gotta do what I say, you get me? So stop being hard, for fucking God’s sake, or I’ll jerk you off.
Hulk: (sighs and shrinks) Better?
Daron: Thank you. (flushes the toilet and leaves the bathroom)

Daron: (enters the kitchen) Hm coffee.... thanks Jess, that’s right what I need now...
Jessica: To be honest, Darry, I believe you could need something else as well...
Daron: (giggles) Hehe, true, but I think if I really get started now, we won’t be finished before John arrives.
Jessica: (rolls eyes) That was not what I was talking about. Seriously, Daron, I worry about you, you seem so confused and always talk to yourself, and I somehow feel there’s something wrong with you ... maybe you should consider going back to therapy.
Daron: Pff! Fuck that stupid therapy! I went there for, like, a year? Or even longer? And did it help me in any way? No. This stupid therapist-guy didn’t understand me at all, he only annoyed me every single time I had to fucking talk to him, and...
Jessica: But maybe if you go to another therapist, it might get better.
Daron: Better, my ass. I’m fine. There’s no reason to go to any fucking therapy, Jess, believe me.
Jessica: (rolls eyes again) So you think it’s not weird that you told me you were talking to your cock?
Daron: (blushes) Uhmm... no, I don’t think it’s weird. Everyone does that.
Jessica: Everyone? Well, I don’t...
Daron: Really? You’ve never talked to your boobies or your pussy?
Jessica: O.o No! Normal people don’t do such things.
Daron: Pff, I know that Serj, John and Shavo are talking to their dicks as well...
Jessica: Yeah. There you have it. I said NORMAL people. You and your bandmates...
Daron: Former bandmates!
Jessica... your former bandmates are far from normal, Daron. And you know that.
Daron: So I’m talking to my cock, okay, so fucking what? Is that a fuckin’ crime?
Jessica: No, but –
(The doorbell interrupts her)
Daron: Ah, that must be John, I’ll go. (heads to the door and opens) Hey John, what’s up?
John: (punches his shoulder) What’s up? What’s up? Are you fucking kidding me?
Daron: Oww, heey, cut it out, man! No need to fuckin’ hit me! Motherfucker!
John: Who’s the motherfucker here, eh?
Jessica: Are you guys having trouble? Oh, and hello, John.
John: Hey Jessica.
Daron: Nah, we’re fine, we just gotta talk about... certain issues... band stuff and shit, you know... we’re gonna go upstairs, we don’t wanna bore you with our tour schedule and... come on, John.
Jessica: But you know you don’t bore me...
Daron: (kisses her cheek) We would, believe me. I’ll see ya later, babe, okay? Come on, John, let’s go. (they go upstairs into the room Daron calls his office; Daron locks the door behind them) Okay, now we’re on our own...
John: Good! And now show me that Hulk is alright.
Daron: (rolls eyes) I already told you... ah, whatever. (drops his pants) See, he’s fine.
Hulk: John! I’m so glad to see you!
John: Me, too. Oh my God, I was afraid he might damage you!
Hulk: He almost did. He forced me into those tight pants and squeezed me and...
Schnibbel: (out of John’s pants) Hey out there, don’t you wanna let me take part in your conversation?
Daron and John: No.
Schnibbel: Very funny. Motherfuckers. Come on, let me out.
John: (undoes his pants) Okay, okay...
Daron: Bwwhahahaha, oh my fucking God, that looks so stupid, you with this small dick, it doesn’t fit to your body at all!
John: (angry) Yeah, maybe that is because IT IS YOUR COCK AND NOT MINE !
Daron: Shh, stop yelling, dude! I don’t want Jess to hear us. She already asked me a shitload of questions.
John: Oh, I’ve got a shitload of questions for you, too. For example, what the fuck is going on here? What have you done? Why did I fucking wake up with... with this (points at Schnibbel)? This just doesn’t work, okay, he is so small, he almost gets lost in my hands when I’m taking a piss.
Schnibbel: Oh, I’m sorry, Mr. Oversized. And, I thought you were treating cocks well.
John: I treat my own cock well, yeah, but that doesn’t count for small wangs that are bitching around all the time.
Schnibbel: Pff, screw you.
John: Daron – seriously, I fucking want my dick back, or I’ll freak out and cut this thing off, I swear!
Daron: Damnit, how often do I have to repeat it, I have nothing to do with this, okay, I did not do anything! Why don’t you believe me? Man, I wouldn’t even know how to do something like that.
Schnibbel: Yeah, true, you’re way too stupid.
Daron: Shut the fuck up.
John: So you swear on your mother’s life that you did not do it? You didn’t use any... spell or anything?
Daron: (rolls eyes) If you insist, I swear on my Mom’s life, man. Who do you think I am, a fucking magician or what?
John: (sighs) Okay. But if it wasn’t you... I mean, two guys just don’t change dicks all of a sudden, right? Something must have happened.
Daron: Yeah, I guess so, but I don’t have a clue. And by the way... I don’t think it’s that bad. Maybe it’s just some kind of justice that made this happen.
John: WHAT?
Daron: Oh come on, you’ve had this giant member for the last thirty-five years while I had to deal with... you know what, so it’s just fair that we changed now.
John: Are you fucking crazy? First of all, I wasn’t born with a giant dick, okay, it grew over the years, just like the rest of me. Second... damnit, who do you think you are? Once you’ve been born with a body part, you keep it until you die, there is nothing like a fucking justice or anything that equals things after some time.
Daron: How can you know, maybe there is!
John: No! No fucking way! You’re talking bullshit, Daron.
Daron: Ah, am I?! Alright, you know what? I’m glad about all this, okay, I like your dick and I wanna keep it. You can spend the rest of your life with Schnibbel, I don’t give a shit!
John: (punches Daron’s chest) You don’t give a shit? You don’t give a shit? Let me tell you something, you better do give a shit from now on, man, coz there is no way you are gonna keep Hulk. He’s my cock. He belongs to me.
Daron: (tries to get away from him) Ouch! Damnit, stop hitting me all the time!
John: (follows him and keeps punching him) I’m gonna hit you as much as I like it, d’you get me?
Daron: Oww! Cut it out!
Hulk: (clears his throat) Guys... guys! Please!
John and Daron: (pause) What?
Hulk: Why don’t we go and ask Serj?
Daron: Serj? What does he have to do with this? You think it’s his fault?
John: No... but Hulk is right, Serj is half a God, remember?
Daron: Hard to believe, if you ask me. A half-God who used to smoke loads of weed and bang groupies like no tomorrow, hehe.
John: Whatever. But he helped you before, so maybe he can just call one of his divine friends and they’ll solve our problem within five minutes. It’s worth trying, ain’t it, or d’you have any better idea?
Daron: (sighs) No, I don’t. Okay, let’s go to Serj’s, before you beat the living crap out of me.

(...)

Merged threads, it's the same story so i think it should remain in the same thread. Keep things organized and easy to find.

Yeah, I wanted to do that with the other stories as well for a longer time^^

To the story:

LOL! That's great. The Comeback of Schnibbel. Nice to see him in action again.

^Schnibbel is always in action because um, He is a cock.

Nice story Silke, I <3 Schnibbel.

Wow you mean Schnibbel has another fan? most people dont like him coz he is an asshole (or a dick, lol) but it seems he really has some fans here O.o amazing

schnibbel HAS fans, silke.
i might work on a userbar about it, if only I could fine the site...

Almost forgot to post the next part here, hehe

(...)


Serj sits on the floor in his living room and does yoga. The doorbell rings seven times.
Serj: (sighs) Let me guess who this is, hehe... (gets up and opens, pretending to seem surprised) John, Daron – what’s up, what are you doing here so early in the morning?
John: We gotta to talk to you, man, we need your help.
Daron: YOU do...
John: You do, too. Serj, really, this is serious!
Serj: Alright, come in. (they go inside and sit down on the couch) And now tell me what happened.
John: It’s hard to explain... when I woke up this morning, there was... I had... ah, see for yourself. (he drops his pants)
Serj: (giggles) Uhm... hehe... wow... now this is a surprise... I guess.
John: You can call it that, yeah.
Serj: And what happened to Hulk?
John: (points at Daron) Guess what.
Daron: (drops his pants and shakes his hips) Hehe, check this out, Serj, I got a huge cock, it’s even bigger than yours.
John: It’s MY cock, for fucking God’s sake! Serj, please, you gotta help us! I want my fucking dick back, I can’t live with this small wiener, I just... can’t!
Schnibbel: Pff, and who asks us cocks what we want? Huh?
Serj: Okay, so what do you want?
Schnibbel: I wanna stay with John. He is a sucker, okay, but he isn’t as bad as the motherfucker I used to be attached to.
John: What? No fucking way!
Daron: There you have it. And I wanna keep Hulk.
Hulk: NO! I swear I’ll kill myself if I gotta stay with Daron.
Daron: Pff, and how do you wanna do that, killing yourself, huh? You’re gonna buy a gun and shoot yourself in the head? (pokes John’s arm) Did you get that? The cock and its head? Hahaha.
John: Shut the fuck up, you...
Serj: (clears his throat) Guys, come on... calm down.
John: Calm down, that’s easy to say for you, you still have your cock in your pants and not this... thing.
Schnibbel: Thing? Who’s the thing, huh?
Serj: PLEASE! Guys, really, I can imagine that this must be confusing (clears his throat again) but to be honest, I don’t really get what you expect me to do now...
Daron: Ask John, it was his idea to come here.
John: Uhm... I don’t know... man, you’re half a God, I thought you might know what happened and why we changed our dicks over night...
Serj: Uhmmm.... no, I have no idea... my divine part doesn’t make me omniscient, you know.
John: Okay, so maybe you could just, like... do something about this mess?
Serj: What? Ooh, no, man, that really goes beyond my powers. Hehe.
John: Alright, so why don’t you call one of those Gods and make them reverse it. Like, now!
Serj: That’s not so easy, dude...
John: But you did it last time, when you helped Daron with Schnibbel, and this Goddess even made his hair grow again, so come on, there must be someone in charge of this, whatever...
Hulk: Yes, Serj, please, help us!
Serj: (rolls his eyes) Guys, seriously, I can’t call them right now. There are certain rules for that, it’s not like calling your Mom or Dad. I gotta prepare several things, gotta get in the right mood, I gotta say a few verses that I don’t know by heart, and... I can try it tonight, that’s all I can offer for now. Hehe.
John and Hulk: Tonight?!!?
Serj: Yeah, well, I’m sorry but I’m afraid you will have to wait until then, hehe.
Daron: Hehehe, that’s fine for me, take your time, Serj.
John: You must be kidding me! How can I even try to live my life like this?
Daron: Oh come on, you always said that cock is not important, so why are you so pissed now? I mean, it’s not like we changed heads...
John: Then you could be sure I’d shoot myself in YOUR fucking head after ten minutes. Having your stupid head instead of mine would indeed be worse. (looks down) Well, at least a little.
Schnibbel: I’m not sure it that was meant to insult me now.
John: It was.
Schnibbel: Screw you.
Daron: Wait, that did also insult me, right? Motherfucker!
John: (rolls his eyes) Seeerj!!!
Serj: Hehe, I’m sorry, John, but I’m afraid you gotta deal with the situation, at least for now. Hehe.
John: I don’t wanna fucking deal with nothing! And why the hell are you giggling all the time, are you fucking stoned already?
Serj: (clears his throat) Uhm, no. Hehe. I’m sorry that I consider this constellation a little funny, at least from my point of view.
John: Aw thank you. A great friend you are.
Daron: (excited) Now you know how I always used to feel. See? Before, I’ve always been the dork here, and now it’s you. Now people are making fun of you. I KNEW it! It had to do with my cock! Schnibbel is cursed, whoever is with him becomes a dork. (pokes John’s arm) You’re a dooooork, Johnny, you’re a dooo-ooork...
John: (punches Daron’s chest) Shut the fuck up, you fucker, and stop poking me or I’ll beat the living shit out of you, d’you get me?
Daron: Ouch! Damnit! Why can’t you stop punching me, huh? That fucking hurts!
John: I’ll stop punching you when you stop being a total asshole.
Schnibbel: Which will be, like, never.
Daron: Look who’s talking. Mr. I’m-a-dick-not-just-because-I’m-a-cock.
Serj: (rolls his eyes) Guys, come on, that’s no reason to freak out...
John: Are you fucking kidding me?
Serj:... I’m gonna try my best to solve your problem as soon as it is possible. You do have faith in me, don’t you?
John: (grumbles) Okay, okay... but you gotta promise that you’ll do anything to gimme my dick back. Please, Serj, promise you’ll do it!
Serj: I promise. Hehe.
John: And stop giggling, for fucking God’s sake!
Hulk: Watch your language, if you want the Gods to help you, you shouldn’t drag their names in the dirt.
Schnibbel: That doesn’t mean anything. Daron abused their names all the time since he’s been a little kid, and yet they helped him.
Serj: Why don’t you guys go and, I don’t know, have breakfast or whatever; I’ll need some time on my own today. But I’ll call you as soon as I got any news. Agree?
John: (sighs) Agree.
Daron: (pats his shoulder) Come on, man, I’ll invite you for breakfast. I’m fucking starving.
They leave the house. Serj chuckles and scratches his head.
Pogo (out of Serj’s pants): I’m sorry if I’m questioning your wisdom, Serj, but are you sure that you’re doing the right thing? It seems that John is the one you are hurting this time, not Daron...
Serj: It may seem so for now, yes... but wait and see, it won’t take too long until Daron will knock on my door and beg me to take Hulk away from him.
Pogo: But even if... aren’t you afraid John is going to be mad at you for the rest of your life if he finds out that you are responsible?
Serj: (smiles) Well, Pogo, if you wanna achieve something, you gotta be willing to take a risk, right?
Pogo: (sighs) True, true... I assume you’re not going to call any God or Goddess tonight?
Serj: You’re assuming the right thing, hehe. John will survive a few days with Schnibbel, don’t you think?

(...)

Quote :

Schnibbel: I’m not sure it that was meant to insult me now.
John: It was.
Schnibbel: Screw you.
Daron: Wait, that did also insult me, right? Motherfucker!

LOOOOOOOL

That's funny!

Mmmh, Schnibbel Fans... let me think... oh yeah! We open a Schnibbel Fanclub! At least Daron seems to be a fan of it and John I don't know.

LOL Brad can I be in the fanclub too?

And: next part

(...)

Daron and John go to a restaurant down the street to have breakfast. They sit down on a table in the corner. The waitress appears almost immidiately.
Waitress: Good morning. What’ll it be for you guys?
Daron: I’ll take a large breakfast with large scrambled eggs and extra bacon... and a large coffee, no, an XL-coffee. I feel like XL today, hehe.
John: I’ll have a whiskey.
Waitress: Sorry, we are not serving alcohol before noon.
John: (rolls eyes) Whenever you think it can’t get worse... whatever, I’ll have a coffee then.
Waitress: XL?
Daron: No, small for him, hehehe.
John: (kicks Darons shin under the table) A normal one. Just normal.
The waitress nods and leaves.
Daron: (giggles) Where has your sense of humour gone, dude?
John: I can tell you where it’s gone. In your pants.
Daron: Really? I never knew that humour is located it a guy’s cock, hehehe.
John: Seriously, Daron, I can’t understand why you seem to enjoy this mess so much. Okay, you got a big (he lowers his voice) a big dick for now, but can’t you see what that means?
Daron: (stares) It means... that I have a big dick. Hehe.
John: (rolls eyes again) Don’t pretend to be more stupid than you are. Just imagine Serj won’t be able to reverse this shit – we are gonna go on tour in a few days, how are we supposed to do that when your stupid dick is attached to me?
Daron: What does that have to do with our tour?
John: Maybe you do remember the unimportant fact that it’s your cock that is singing all our songs, don’t you?! To be honest, it was some kind of a miracle that our European fans didn’t find out the truth...
Daron: Europeans are stupid, that’s why, hehe.
John:... but now that he is in my pants, we can’t just put a microphone near him and let him sing. Nobody would hear him with the drums right in front of him.
Daron: Pff. It worked with my guitar, too. We just gotta turn up the volume.
John: That won’t work! People are gonna notice that the voice does not come from you. At least we would have to let Franky and Dominic in on our secret, and believe me, I do trust those guys but we have come so far with cheating the whole world that I just don’t think it’s a good idea to have any more confidants.
Daron: (thinks) Eeh... damnit, I didn’t think about that...
John: I see, yes.
The waitress brings the coffee and breakfast.
John: Thank you. (waits until she is gone again) To be honest, Daron, if Serj won’t manage to reverse everything, I’m afraid we’re gonna have to cancel the tour...
Daron: NO WAY! (lowers his voice) I’m not gonna cancel anything, d’you get me? Scars is my band...
John: (coughs) Our band.
Daron:... and I put so much.... so much of myself in it, there is no way I’m gonna cancel the fucking tour!
John: Great. And what do you wanna do? I mean, even IF we decided to tell our bandmates that our cocks are talking and singing and whatever – do you wanna explain how we suddenly changed dicks? And that Serj is a half-god? And –
Daron: (raises both hands) Cut it out, I’m trying to think, okay?
John: Okay I’ll be back tomorrow.
Daron: Very funny. Motherfucker. (sighs) Well, if there is absolutely no chance to reverse before the tour, I’ll pretend to have a sore throat and delay a few shows. That should give Serj enough time to... do whatever he’s gonna do.
John: The idea is not that bad. Are you sure you made it up yourself?
Daron: Yeah, just like I made up all our lyrics myself.
John: (coughs) Almost.
Daron: Whatever. I gotta piss. Don’t touch my food, I’ll be back in a minute.
John: Don’t worry, I’m not hungry anyway.
Daron gets up and goes to the restroom.
Daron: Oww... damnit, stupid tight pants, I really gotta go clothes shopping after breakfast, I can hardly walk like this. Fucking hurts with each step. (undoes his pants and takes Hulk out) ahhh, better.
Hulk: Tell me about it! I’m gonna get a cramp if you keep squeezing me like that.
Daron: Yeah, yeah, I know. (places himself in front of the urinal and pees, whisteling a tune) Wow this is a completely different feeling, hehe.
Hulk: For me, too, thank you.
A guy comes in and places himself right in front of the urinal next to Daron.
Guy: Sorry for staring at your member, but... wow! Now that’s what I call big!
Daron: (proud) Hehe, thanks.
Guy: Honesty, I think I’ve never seen one that huge before.
Daron: Oh yeah, he is special, indeed. (turns aside) Have a closer look, I don’t mind, hehe.
Guy: (leans forward a bit and stares) Wow... did you anything with it or is it just grown that big by nature?
Daron: (even more proud) That’s all natural, dude. Makes you jealous, huh? Don’t worry, everyone is jealous when they see him.
Guy: Hmm, jealous ain’t the right word to describe my feelings... God I’d love to see that one when it’s hard...
Daron: Er, what?
Guy:... and even more I’d love to feel it inside my ass... (reaches out and touches Hulk) Come on, man, let’s do it, right now and here!
Daron: WHAT? (jumps back and pulls up his pants hastily) Take your dirty hands off my dick, or I’ll kick you right in the nuts! You’re crazy or what? I’m not a fucking faggot, motherfucker! (runs out and back to John)
John: What happened, did taking a piss leave you breathless? Or did you... Daron, you didn’t jack off in there, did you?!
Daron: Is that all you can think of? Man, I just almost got raped in there, and you...
John: Hold on, you almost were WHAT?
Daron: There was this ugly son of a bitch, and he touched my cock and even wanted me to fuck him, I mean, come on, do I look like a goddamn fag or what?
John: Pff. I thought you were into sodomy, so what difference does it make whether you shove yourself into a male or a female ass?
Daron: That makes a huge difference, okay, that’s just not the same – not that I ever tried it with a guy, that’s just gross, but... (interrupts himself) And by the way, did you forget that it’s your dick that would have ended up inside a male ass?
John: Fuck! Yeah I forgot... hold you, you said he touched Hulk? Damnit, Daron, can’t I even let you go to take a leak for two minutes without my dick getting molested?
Daron: Calm down, man. You can be glad that I at least didn’t decide to make a gay experience, hehe, but if you keep bashing me, I might consider it next time...
John: Oh really? Then I might as well decide to try something new, too. Have you ever wondered what it’s like to fuck a goat, Daron? Schnibbel would be able to tell you a lot about it afterwards.
Daron: You are such a sucker!
Waitress: Guys, I don’t know what the hell you are talking about, but here are minors around, okay, so if you don’t watch your explicit language, I’m afraid I gotta ask you to leave...
Daron: Fine. I got better things to do anyway.
John: What about your breakfast, Mr. XL?
Daron: I’m sick now, okay? (gets up and takes his jacket) You pay.

(..)

Next chapter

(...)

In front of the restaurant.
John: And what now?
Daron: I don’t know what you’re gonna do, man, but I really need to get some wide pants. I can hardly walk coz those are so tight in my crotch. That fucking hurts.
John: Good idea, you’ve been squeezing my poor dick way too long already. Okay, so where d’you wanna go?
Daron: Hold on... that sounds like you wanna come with me.
John: Yeah, why not?
Daron: Dude, we are guys, in case you haven’t noticed. Guys don’t go shopping together, girls do.
John: That’s bullshit, Daron.
Daron: No, it’s not. People will think we’re gay.
John: (rolls eyes) Why are you always afraid that someone might think you’re gay? That’s beyond normal, man.
Daron: Nah, it’s not. Do you wanna be considered a faggott, John? Ah, I forgot, you probably don’t mind because you actually ARE a fag. (starts singing) JOHN IS GAY...
John: Shut the fuck up, asshole. Yeah, I actually do not mind people calling me gay because I know I’m not. You know, the guys who are most afraid to be considered homosexual are most likely to be closet queens who just don’t dare to admit it to themselves.
Daron: (jumps on John) You take that back immidiately, motherfucker, or I’ll beat the living shit out of you, I swear!
John: (stops him with one arm) I ain’t gonna take anything back. Try to grow up, dude, and leave me the fuck alone!
Daron: (steps back and straightens his jacket) One part of me has grown a lot lately, if I may remind you, hehe.
John: You don’t get what I’m talking about at all, do you?
Daron: Get what?
John: Whatever. Now let’s go and get you some new pants, I don’t want Hulk to suffer longer than necessary.
Hulk: (out of Daron’s pants) I’m gonna suffer anyway as long as I’m forced to stay with him.
Daron: Shut up down there. Man, John, your dick is a wuss, just like you, hehe.

They go to Daron’s favourite clothes shop.
Seller: Mr. Malakian! What a surprise to see you again – is there anything wrong with the clothes you bought last month?
Daron: No, no, theyre great, I just thought... uhm... I want... I need...
John: He wants to change his style a bit.
Daron: Yes, exactly. It’s about time for me to try something else, maybe a new look for our upcoming tour, you know.
Seller: Aah, I see... then you’re also gonna shave this awful beard, I guess? I personally never liked it, if I may be honest; it makes you look like you lived in a cardboard box in the streets.
John: Hehehehehehe.
Daron: (angry) I was JUST talking about my clothes, okay? I’m gonna keep my beard because I like it. I think it suits me. And the next person to call me a bum gets a kick right in the ass, d’you get that?
Seller: (blushes) Of course, Mr. Malakian, I’m sorry. So... what kind of clothes would you like to try on for your new look?
Daron: I need wide pants! And... some tees that fit to them, maybe a hoodie, I don’t give a shit, all I really want are wide pants, you know, baggy style.
The seller picks some pants and tees from the shelves and hands them to Daron who heads into the fitting room. A few minutes later he comes out, wearing a pair of black baggy jeans.
John: Bwwhahahaha, oh man.
Daron: What’s funny, huh?
John: You... haha... you look like a midget, dude.
Daron: (gives him the finger) Shut up.
John: No, really. Your legs... they look so incredibly short, I mean, I know they actually are but... now shave your beard and you look fifteen, hahaha.
Daron: You can call me a midget, man, I don’t give a shit. We both know that I’m big where it really counts, John, right? My legs might be short but somewhere else, I’ve got at least ten inches.
John: (coughs) Actually it’s twelve...
Seller: O.O
Daron: Whoa, twelve, really? Good. Good. Anyway, every single inch has enough space in these pants, man. Feels freaking good. I’ll take ten pairs.
Seller: Ten?
Daron: Yeah.
John: Uhm, Daron, I don’t think you’ll need the addictional space long enough to wear ten pairs of jeans. Especially given that you only change them once a month
Daron: Pfff, what do you know?
John: No, seriously, man, I’m sure it’s not necessary to... (his cellphone rings) ah damnit, hold on... (answers the phone) hello? Heey, honey, what’s up? Yeah, I’m... I’m in a shop with Daron. No, nothing special, we’re just hanging out and stuff. What? Uhm... no, not as far as I know, why? Tonight? Yeah... at eight? Where? Yeah. Yeah, I know. What? Sure you can stay at my place overnight. Alright. I’ll see ya then. (lowers his voice) Yeah, I love ya, too. (hangs up) Ah, fuck, man!!
Daron: (giggles) What’s up, dude?
John: I’m really in the shit, man. Today it’s Lin’s and my three months anniversary, I completely forgot about that. She got us a table at the restaurant we’ve first been to together for tonight, you know, all that romantic candle-light shit. Damn!
Daron: What’s your problem, man? Last week you were stuck on cloud nine, about to burst with puppy love for Linda, and now you act like she was nothing but a nuisance to you. Hold on – you’ve got another chick already?
John: Hell, no! Lin is great, I don’t want any other girl.
Daron: (impatiently) So what is your fucking problem?
John: (sighs and pulls Daron aside so the seller cant hear them) Don’t you know what it means when your girlfriend takes you out for a romantic dinner and already asks if she can stay overnight? She wants to fuck me tonight.
Daron: Is there anything wrong with my ears? Dude, have you turned into a monk or what? Usually you can’t wait to get screwed.
John: Usually, yes. Usually I have (he lowers his voice) I have my own dick in my pants, you know?!
Daron: Ah, I don’t mind, feel free to use Schnibbel for anything you like.
John: Are you retarded? Besides the fact that I don’t even want to use that thing at all, even if I wanted, I couldn’t do it. I’ve had sex with Lin before, she knows Hulk, she is used to him. If I now try to fuck her with your little thingy, she will... how am I supposed to explain that my cock is not even half as big as it used to all of a sudden?
Daron: Uhm.... good question.
John: See?
Daron: But maybe Lin really just wants to take you out for dinner. I mean, going out doesn’t necessarily mean she intends to hump you. You are not irresistible, dude.
John: Pff, maybe that’s not the case in your fucked-up relationship, but let me tell you, Lin is crazy for me and my body. I mean, usually.
Daron: And what are you gonna do now?
John: (angry) How the fuck am I supposed to know? Man, I swear, if I ever find out who is responsible for this shit, I’m gonna kick them straight to the moon!
Daron: Don’t look at me, man, I have nothing to do with it!
John: Which I still doubt, but whatever.
Daron: (rolls eyes) Screw you. Hey, I’m gonna pay for those pants now, and then we can sit down somewhere and...
John: Nah, seriously, man, I’ve had enough for today. I’ll go home and try to figure out how I’m gonna survive tonight without risking my relationship.
Daron: Shouldn’t we try to think it over together, I mean, don’t they say something like ‘two minds will find a solution easier than just one’?
John: That doesn’t count when one of the two minds belongs to Daron Malakian.
Daron: You know what, fuck you, okay? Your relationship-shit is none of my business anyway.
John: Exactly. See ya.
Daron: Hey, dude, and don’t ya forget the radio interview tomorrow!
John: Whatever. (leaves)
Daron: (rolls eyes) For years and years I always heard that cock size isn’t everything, and now that he is affected, he acts like he was doomed to die. What a pussy!
Seller: Pardon, Mr. Malakian?
Daron: No, not you, hehe, my friend, he is... ah, forget it, you wouldn’t understand. I’ll take those ten pairs of jeans, as I said, can you deliver them to my house as usual?

(...)

Okay nobody comments on it anymore but anyway.... heres the next part.

(...)



Daron walks along the street.
Daron: Stupid John. For ages, he’s been telling me ‘dick size doesn’t matter, Daron, don’t be childish, Daron’, and now look who’s whining ‘waah, my cock is too small’. Motherfucker. You always get what you deserve, hehe, yeah.
A car stops next to him, honking.
Daron: What the fuck, man?! (looks inside the car) Shavo! You son of a camel driver! What are you doing here?
Shavo: You seem to forget that I actually live in LA, huh?
Daron: Yet you didn’t come to Serj’s place yesterday.
Shavo: Man, I’m busy these days.
Daron: Busy with what? Sitting around in the studio, jackin’ off and getting baked while you’re pretending to work on your hip-hop-shit?
Shavo: (gives him the finger) Dude, just because you’re always jacking off everywhere you go doesn’t mean others do the same. And hip hop ain’t shit, man, it’s THE shit. But I don’t expect you to understand. I mean, someone who lets his dick the the singer of his band instead of himself...
Daron: If you just wanna be a pain in my neck, you better piss of before I tie your beard to the bumper and drag you through the whole city. Asshole. (turns to leave)
Shavo: (rolls eyes) Come back, man! Why are you such a pussy today, huh? Lack of weed? Endocrine disorder? Excited about your upcoming tour?
Daron: (pauses and sighs) I ain’t sure if there’s gonna be a tour at all, man.
Shavo: What? Why, what happened? Did John leave the band coz he couldn’t stand looking at the pube jungle in your face all the time?
Daron: (snorts and walks away)
Shavo: I was just kidding! Dar! Come back!
Daron: (walks back slowly) Very funny, motherfucker, veeeery funny.
Shavo: I’m sorry, okay? Now seriously, what’s up with Scars?
Daron: Uhm, actually it doesn’t really have anything to do with Scars... I mean, in a way, it does, but... Shav, I gotta ask you a question, but it might sound a bit weird to you.
Shavo: I’m used to you asking weird questions, hehe, just go ahead.
Daron: (looks around) Okay, so... when you woke up this morning, what did you have between your legs?
Shavo: A hot chick’s head.
Daron: No, seriously.
Shavo: I am being serious, dude. Had quite an exciting night, hehe, if you know what I mean.
Daron: Whatever. But you still have 2stoned2stand down there, right?
Shavo: O.o What the fuck... sure I do, what a question is that?
Daron: I said it might sound weird, remember?
Shavo: That’s not weird, that’s completely insane. Why are you asking something like that?
Daron: (lowers his voice) There are some very strange things going on lately, things that have to do with cocks.
Shavo: Like what?
Daron: Like... when I woke up this morning, I didn’t have Schnibbel in my pants anymore but – Hulk.
Shavo: NO WAY!
Daron: Shhh!
Shavo: Daron, I’ve always known you are crazy but this time, you’re really taking it too far. Okay, your cock is small, your cock is a bitch, your cock can’t sing to save his life. But that’s no reason to pretend...
Daron: (interrupts him) Pretend? PRETEND? You don’t believe me?
Shavo: Come on, Dar, how could I believe you such a crazy story? You have Hulk in your pants now, hmm, sure, that’s the reason why you are wearing those jeans that make you look like you were runtish, right?
Daron: Yes exactly. Hulk needed more space in the crotch.
Shavo: (rolls eyes) Stop making a fool of yourself, dude. Ah no, hold on, you’ve been doing that for 33 years now, you probably can not stop, even if you wanted.
Daron: I’ll pretend I didn’t hear that, you butthole. I know I’m telling the truth, whether you wanna believe me or not.
Shavo: Okay, so if it’s true, show me Hulk.
Daron: What?
Shavo: You’ve heard me. Show me Hulk if he is with you.
Daron: Pfff, you think I’m gonna show you my dick in public? I’ll get busted before I can pull my pants up again.
Shavo: (opens the passenger’s door) Okay, climb in, I’ll take you somewhere more private.
Daron: (gets into the car and giggles) Hehe, I feel like a hooker now. So how much are you gonna pay, Mister, huh? But let me tell you from the start, I ain’t gonna do anything without a condom, hehehe.
Shavo: Stop that bullshit, you fucker! I’d pay you to leave me the hell alone, that’s all.
Daron: Really? You’d pay me for that?
Shavo stops in a narrow side street.
Shavo: Okay, now show me Hulk.
Daron: And what about the foreplay?
Shavo: Don’t take it too far, man!
Daron: (giggles) Okay, okay... (undoes his pants and takes Hulk out) There he is.
Hulk: What’s going on here? Oh, hello Shavo.
Shavo: O.O
Daron: Do you believe me now?
Shavo: Uhm.... I think I have to. Wow, man, how the hell did that happen?
Daron: I have no fucking clue, dude. I woke up and there he was.
Shavo: And Schnibbel? Where.... no! NO! Don’t tell me he is with John now! Mwwhahahaha, holy shit, poor John!
Hulk: Indeed. And poor me, if I may add that.
Daron: Shut up!
Shavo: Man, I’m speechless, seriously!
Daron: Tell me about it! I thought I was still dreaming when I saw him. I mean, he is so BIG.
Shavo: (laughs) Yeah, and to be honest, he doesn’t suit you at all.
Daron: Who cares if he suits me or not, he is with me now. And shall I tell you something, I like it, hehe.
Shavo: I’m sure John doesn’t share that opinion, huh?
Daron: Pfff, John. That pussy. He forced me to go to Serj with him. You know, since Serj once helped me with Schnibbel, John thought he could reverse what happened or whatever.
Shavo: And what did Serj say? Did he laugh his ass off, hehe?
Daron: In a way, yes, hehe. I didn’t really get him but he said he couldn’t do anything but has to wait until tonight for some reason. You know, so he can ask those Gods he is in touch with.
Shavo: Holy shit, dude, that’s the craziest thing I’ve ever seen and heard! I mean, you guys suddenly got the other one’s cock – I swear, if I wasn’t sure I’m actually sober, I’d think I was on a real good trip, man.
Daron: You are sober? PAH! You’ve never been sober during the last twenty years, man.
Shavo: Speak about yourself, you pothead.
Daron: Who’s the bigger pothead, huh?
Shavo: You.
Daron: No, you!
Shavo: No, YOU!
Hulk: Who gives a shit about that anyway? Drugs suck, and those who do drugs suck as well.
Daron and Shavo: Shut up there.
Hulk: God, I wish I was with John!
Daron: Shavo, you’re sure that you’ve still got 2stoned2stand in your pants? I mean, if something like that happened once, why not with someone else as well?!...
Shavo: I’m pretty sure but if you insist... (undoes his pants and takes out 2stoned2stand) Here we go.
2stoned2stand: Dude... what’s up... do I get blown again?
Shavo: No, man, it’s just Daron who wanted to see you.
2stoned2stand: Daron? Ah, hey, man. And hey, Hulk, what... Shavo, what the hell did you smoke, dude, I think I see Daron with Hulk...
Daron: That ain’t a hallucination, man, it IS me with Hulk, hehe.
2stoned2stand: Shit, man, what the fuck happened? Where is Schnibbel, the little bitch?
Shavo: You won’t believe it, man, he’s with John, hahaha.
2stoned2stand: Bwwhahahaha, holy shit, poor John!
Hulk: And poor me, don’t forget that.
2stoned2stand: You’re right, hehe, whether you’re stuck with Schnibbel or with Daron, it’s all the same shit.
Shavo: Haha, Stoney, you got the point here.
Daron: Shut the fuck up, you...
Someone knocks on the passenger’s door.
Shavo: FUCK! The pi... uhm, the cops! (he and Daron pull up their pants as fast as possible)
Cop1: Hello in there, could you please wind down the window?
Daron: (winds it down) Hey officer, what’s up?
Cop2: You do the same, please.
Shavo: (does it) We didn’t do anything!
Cop1: Nothing except sitting in a car, exposing your genitals in a public street.
Shavo: Uhmmm yeah, well, we can explain that to you...
Cop2: That’s not necessary, thank you.
Cop1: (gazes at them) Hold on... aren’t you two those guys from that metal band? System under.... under...
Daron: System of a down, man.
Cop1: Yees, exactly. You broke up a few years ago, right?
Shavo: No, we’re on hiatus.
Cop1: Where’s the difference?
Shavo: That the band still exists but just ain’t doing anything at the moment. A break-up would mean...
Cop2: Whatever, we didn’t come here to discuss music business. What you have just done could be called scandalization, do you know that?
Daron: What? No way, we didn’t do anything!
Cop2: You said that before, yes. Still you exposed your private parts in public.
Daron: This ain’t public, this it his car.
Cop1: But the street is public. What if a child had come along and taken a look inside the car while you were... doing nothing?! And by the way – you as famous musicians, can’t you afford a hotel room?
Shavo: Hold on, officer, you don’t seriously think that him and me... oh my God, no!
Cop1: I don’t care, that’s none of my business. You can do whatever you want, just don’t do it in public! It’s for your own good, I mean, imagine we would tell what we just saw to the media....
Shavo: (sheepish) I get what you mean.
Cop2: Good. This is a warning, guys, okay? If we ever catch you again in a similar situation, we’ll arrest you for scandalization. So if you wanna do yourselves a favour, keep your dicks in your pants until you’re at home. (to Daron) Especially you, Sir. Every little girl who saw your cock would be traumatized for life.
Daron: Hehe, I’ll take that as a compliment.
Cop2: Take it as anything but promise you keep your pants up in the future.
Daron: Okay, I promise. Hehe.
Cop1: Alright then, have a nice day. And good luck for the band.
The cops leave on their car.
Shavo: Holy fuck, man, I swear such things can only happen when I’m with you!
Daron: Shut the fuck up, it ain’t my fault.
Shavo: Sure it is. You urged me to show my dick to you.
Daron: Pfffff, you’re a pussy, just like John.
Shavo: Fuck you.
Daron: Fuck you, too. (silence) Hey man, let’s go for a coffee, I can really need one.
Shavo: No way, dude, I gotta go back to the studio. I said I’d be back in five minutes, I bet everyone is already wondering where I am.
Daron: Can’t they jack off without you?
Shavo: (rolls eyes) Whatever. Listen, man, I’ll call ya tomorrow, okay? Maybe we can meet the others as well and get stoned together, like in the old times, you know.
Daron: Alright then. Take care. (gets out of the car)
Shavo: And don’t let ‘em catch you showing Hulk to children, sucker. (honks and leaves way too fast)
Daron: Who’s the sucker, man. (sighs) Great, everyone just leave me alone today.

(...)