Anecdotes

Okay, den hab ich gefunden, kann man leider net übersetzen:

The priest in a small village was very fond of the chickens he kept in the hen house out behind the parish manse. He had a cock rooster and about ten hens.
Well, one Saturday night, the cock rooster was missing, and because the priest had heard that cock fights occurred in the village, he decided to question his parishioners about it at church the next morning.
At Mass, he asked the congregation, “Who’s got a cock?”
All the men stood up.
“No, No,” he said, “That wasn’t what I meant. Has anybody seen a cock?”
All the women stood up.
“No, No,” he said, “That wasn’t what I meant either. Has anybody seen a cock that doesn’t belong to them?”
Half the women stood up.
“No, No,” he said, “I meant: Has anybody seen MY cock?”
Up stood five nuns, three altar boys, and two priests…

Damn...why can´t I remember jokes ?
But...sometimes vitamins sent me one , when i was bad....so . a joke from vitaminfromthesky:

There once was a lady who was tired of living with men who were either physically abusive , who ran away from her ,
or were simply horrible in bed .So she put an Ad in a newspaper , that was asking for a man , who :
1)would treat her nicely
2) wouldn´t run away from her
3) would be good in bed .
Three weeks passed and there was no reply from any man . So she just figured that there wasn´t a man alive , who
could live up to these expectations ,so she just gave up . But then , one day , she heard the doorbell ring .
She answered it and there on the front porch was a man in a wheel-chair , who didn´t have any arms or legs .
The man said : "I´m here because of the Ad you put in the newspaper . As you can see , I have no arms , so I
can´t beat you . and I have no legs , so I can´t run away from you ."
The woman replied : "yes , but are you good in bed ? "
And the man said , with a smirk on his face : " How do you think I rang the doorbell ? "

Okay, die Laune ist im Tiefststand. Fangen wir mit den emowitzen an:

Wieviele Emos braucht man, um eine Glühbirne zu wechseln?


Gar keinen, lass sie doch im Dunkeln heulen!

The Mistake Test
See if you can do this. Read each line aloud without making any mistakes. If you make a mistake you MUST start over or it won't work.

This is this cat
This is is cat
This is how cat
This is to cat
This is keep cat
This is a cat
This is moron cat
This is busy cat
This is for cat
This is forty cat
This is seconds cat

Now go back and read the THIRD word in each line from the top...


HAHA

rhat was good...welcome Brigi !!!!
too bad you ´re not awake at 5 in the morning..brad is often here then ,too...
hey brad..what did you mean , "how many emos do you need ..."
tell me...
something new . ? you know what I mean

Well, if I make a Forum for random things, where you can post anything you like where you have one complete off-topic topic, why do you have to post THIS in the jokes topic? I make a new topic for online times.

Okay, well, the answer of the emo-question is standing there in small letters.

A guy was sitting in a bar when a stranger
walked up to him and asked, "If you woke up
in the woods and scratched your butt
and felt vasoline, would you tell anyone?"

"Hell no!" the guy said.

The stranger then asked, "If you felt further into your
crack and pulled out a used condom, would you tell anyone?"

The man said, "Of course not."

"Wanna go camping?"

Well, it was obvious but still funny^^

so c'mon people. here is nothing at all what about we could laugh, or just smile. i like this one:

talking between wife and husband:

W: tell me, if i would die one day, would you get married again?
H: yes, of course!
W: would you love her more then me?
H: yes, for sure!
W: would she live in our house?
H: of course!
W: would she sleep with you in our bed?
H: of course she would!
W: would she drive my car?
H: pff, she even has no driving licence!

but its translation, so maybe you wont get it. but who cares? me.

no I get it...........funny........ ...maybe a bit sad.....?

dont know if sad, well yes, for wifes that is a bit sad maybe. but not all guys are like this. so tell you some joke.

Oh .........pomnish tot iz komedycluba.......pianinp_telefon?
etot odin iz moix lyubim@x.....

kakoj? ja uze mnogo nepomnju... davno nesmotrel. mne bolse nravitsa Tair, jevo anikdoti.
Djadja Vitja iz sila Lesnij na svojom zigule mozet razvit 354km/h kogda netu vokrug nikovo - eto Martirosijan razskazival, russkije rekordi.

i know really a lot, but damn, usually when i try to translate i fuck up somwhere and you wouldnt understand.

i think blondes have best anecdotes. like:

on driving lesson instructor asks blonde how is working engine:
blonde: can i describe with my own words?
instructor: sure
blonde: drrrrrr

thats like children humour.

good.good.....

or like teacher asks to kids:

T: John, who you will be when will grow up?
J: i will be truck driver
T: Melannie, who you will be when will grow up?
M: i will be teacher
T: Annie, who you will be when wil grow up?
A: i will be mother
T: Brad, who you will be when will grow up?
B: i will help Annie to become mother

gosh, i know one long and really great, logical and ironical, but damn, i cant translate it.

Hey...if its on russian maybe you'll send it.....Ha?

no, its on latvian... but hey! i can translate it on russian, will be easier and i can post it here too.

okay, here it is, specially for you Kasta:

odin drug sprasivajet u vtorovo:
"cto mne delat, zenitsa ili pokupat masinu?"
vtoroj otvecajet:
"nuu... jesle ti pozenisja, ti sam znajes cto budet, a jesle ti kupis masinu u tebja jest dva varianta. libo ti jedis dalse, libo ti razobjosja. jesle ti jedes dalse ti sam znajes cto budet. a jesle ti razobjosja u tebja jest dva varianta. libo ti umerajes i popodajes v ad, libo ti umerajes i popodajes v raj. jesle ti popodajes v raj ti sam znajes cto budet. a jesle v ad, u tebja jest dva varianta. libo tebja kremirujut, libo horonjat pod zemljoj. no jesle tebja kremirujut ti sam znajes cto budet, a jesle horonjat, u tebja jest dva varianta. libo na tebe virostajet derevo, libo nicevo. nu jesle nicevo ti sam znajes cto budet. a jesle ono virostaje u tebja jest dva varianta. libo ono ostojotsa, libo jevo spilivajut. nu jesle ono ostajotsa, ti sam znajes cto budet, a jesle jevo spilivajut, u tebja jest dva varianta. libo snevo delajut mebel, libo bumagu. nu jesle s nevo delajut mebel ti sam znajes cto budet. a jesle bumagu u tebja jest dva varianta. libo s nevo delajut prostuju bumagu, libo tualetnuju. jesle s nevo delajut prostuju bumagu, ti sam znajes cto budet. a jesle tualetnuju u tebja jest dva varianta. libo ti popodajes v muzskoj tualet, libo v zenskij. nu jesle ti popodajes v muzskoj, ti sam znajes cto budet. a jesle v zenskij - zacem togda zenitsa?!"

especially for mr?1 thanks...............really good one
nemnogo dlinnovat....no on etogo stoit.....


a vot eshyo odin

noch.V podezde dvoe celuyutca.
-ti menya lyubish..
-da , a ti menya?
-ya tebya toje
-A kak tebya zovut?
-serega
-chert vozmi menya toje..!!

:D prikolno. ili toze odin:

muz prihodit domoj polnostju pjanij, ljog spat. utrom zena sprasivajet:
Z: cto eto za stuk bil vcera?
M: kurtka upala
Z: tak gromko???
M: ja neuspel jejo snjat

hahahhaha............I never laughted so much as today.....

that one is really funny... i laughed really much too when read it.

or like doctor and pacient:

D: i have bad news and good news, with which should i start?
P: bad ones...
D: the bad news are that you are homosexual (gay)
P: oh no!! what should i do???
D: and the good ones are that you are handsome

i love one about blondes like:
standing two blondes in airport and looks on big plane and asks other:

1st: hey, i dont understand, how they steal planes, its so big!
2nd: are you dumb? they steal them when planes are in air, when they are small

sounds shitty.

but this is best, doctor comes to pacient and says:
D: i have bad and even worse news for you...
P: im listening
D: bad is that you have to live only one day... and worst is that i forgot to tell it yesterday

I think I should save this page........for sure........

ah, there will be a lot more pages. do you know some anecdote about models? i know one like about models and weight. one asks other
"what is your weight?"
"23 kilos"
"oh you fat cow!"

Short and easy anecdotes are not difficult to translate, right, Kasta and Vit?
So please do it next time, so that other people can join you too.