Anecdotes

oh pf course........"sexy" can't live without that word...?!

I will never get how statistic could be"sexy".........

all is sexy. in everything you can find something sexy... damn, thats damn legendary word!

you're making me angry........."sexy".....hum....maybe you mean beautiful? ha?

how can i make you angry? just dont read it... it would be same as i would say "i hate this word Kasta, you make me angry"
sexy is all... its beauty. but depends on how you understand word 'beauty'.

child with moped hits very fat guy.
-hey you, you couldn't make a circuit of me?
-I was sure that I won't have enough petrol.

-daddy, can I go to disco?
-yes, and when you will meet mom, say her to go home.

mental hospital. outside are walking 2 inmates. one says:
-hey, let's climb to tree.
-okay,-answers another.
so they both sit in tree, and then suddenly one falls from it on ground.
-hey, how you fell here?
-I riped.

-where do you go with that bus?
-to city.
-what will you do there?
-get out.

teacher asks to kids:

T: Anna, who you will be when will grow up?
A: i will be ticket seller
T: Andy, who you will be when will grow up?
A: i will be electrician
T: Peter, who you will be when will grow up?
P: i will be psychotherapist
T: why?
P: you see these two women outside eating ice-cream?
T: yes
P: one bites it, other licks. how do you think, which one of them is married?
T: this one who bites
P: no, this one who has engagement ring. so i will heal people like you


with what man is different from battery?
- battery has plusses

wife and husband mads on each other and don't talk anymore.
when man goes to sleep, he gives a note to his wife, where's written "wake me up at 7 o'clock".
and next day man wakes up, slept so good. looks to watch - 12 o'clock. he fast gets out from bed and notices note from wife "darling, wake up, it's 7 already".



human came from centaur, when a drop of nicotine killed horse in it.

I'm sure the jokes would all be better if you would try to think of grammar just a tiny bit.

I love your jokes^^

english is not your first language too, so who cares. soemtimes its just 100%

why Hitler commited suicide? because jews sent him bill for wasted gas.


one guy gets out from prison where he was for 15 years. he breaks into house to steal money and guns, but finds only a young couple in bed. he orders husband to get out from bed and fastens him to chair. while he's fastening wife to bed, he comes on her, kiss her neck, then stands and goes to bathroom.
while he's in bath, man on chair silently says to his wife:
-you see, he's prisoner, look at his clothes! seems he was long time in prison and didnt see any woman..i saw how he was kissing you..if he will want sex, dont do anything and dont complain, do what he will say you to do. if not, he can kill us..be strong. I love you darling.
wife answers:
-he didnt kiss my neck. he was whispering to my ear. he whispered that he's gay and thinks that you're simpatico and then asked if we have vaseline. I said that we have, in bathroom. be strong darling. I love you too...

Proshloy nochyu ya lejal v krovati, smotrel na zvyozdnoe prekrasnoe neboi beskrayniy gorizont.........
i vdrug ya podumal--- Gde je blin moya krisha??!!

Jewish Telegram : "Begin worrying. Details to follow."

Встречаются два приятеля:
- Здорово! Ну как поживаешь?
- Дааа, в творческом запое сейчас...
- А это как?
- Ну как-как: пью, а потом такооое творю!!!

Sex is like Pringles: once you pop, you can't stop.

Pringles... I miss them..




How do you know when a woman's about to say something smart?

When she starts her sentence with , "A man once told me... "

when woman gets married hopes that man will change, but he doesnt.
when man gets married hopes that woman wont change, but she does.

What is the difference between girls aged: 8, 18, 28, 38, 48, 58 and 68?

At 8 - You take her to bed and tell her a story. At 18 - You tell her a story and take her to bed. At 28 - You don't need to tell her a story to take her to bed. At 38 - She tells you a story and takes you to bed. At 48 - You tell her a story to avoid going to bed. At 58 - You stay in bed to avoid her story. At 68 - If you take her to bed, that'll be a story!!

I've never understood why women love cats. Cats are independent, they don't listen, they don't come in when you call, they like to stay out all night, come home and expect to be fed and stroked, then want to be left alone and sleep. In other words, every quality that women hate in a man, they love in a cat.

dont double post!!!!!!!!1!!11!!!!one!!1!!

:D:D:D !!!!!!!111111 :D

^^ smiles addict!!!

"To do is to be."
Immanuel Kant

"Do be do be do"
Frank Sinatra

aahaaa!!!1!

Love is a sensation, caused by a temptation, to feel penetration. a guy sticks his location in a girl's destination, to increase the population for the next generation, did you get my explanation, or do you need a demonstration?

demonstration please.

2 junkies throwed priest from roof. priest felt on ground and died.
one junkie says to other:
- I said that he's priest, and you - batman, batman...

you know, after 21.

Once we had Clinton, Johnny Cash and Bob Hope. Now we have Bush, no Cash and no Hope

kay

you can't buy friend, but you can sell him.

keeper drank, lion ate..